I hate myself to a considerable bit for some reason.

I'm too lazy to get things done. I have clothes that have been hanging around for 2 weeks now and i'm not making an effort about it. Actually i dont even give a damn, but i know i should.

I guess what vern said in my tagboard is right. I'm in the hangat hangat tahi ayam mood. The worst thing is, i'm really aware of it, but not doing shit about it. It frustrates me. For example a job, i was supposed to get one like a month ago, until now, the thought's there no doubt, but i didn't do anything when i have the chance to. I would consider myself a naturally lazy person. Commented by primary teachers throughtout my 6 years. Even my family thinks i'm too lazy for my own good. I dont know, i feel so helpless. I dont know what to do. I really dont.

Ever felt like you've been neglected by the person who you thought cared for you most? Sigh, its exactly what i'm feeling right now. 14th December 2005, 2:11 am. I dont know, maybe i'm asking for a little too much without ever saying anything. Maybe i'm expecting a little too much from what it really seems. Maybe i feel that there's something where there really isnt and i'm too defiant to convince myself i'm wrong. You dont see it, no one does, because i dont show it. Only through words i do but words dont mean a thing to anyone. No one really trusts words. I'm confused, i'm down, i'm frustrated.

There's nothing more to look forward to anymore. There's no drive to make you want to step into the next day. I'm so down i cant even describe it in words. SIGH.

Smile jinny! You still have so many friends! Consider yourself lucky! Look on the bright side! Smile.................................... Shut up!