"Haha, im fine im fine, dun worry about me, seriously, im fine"

Those are some of the lies ive told tonight and many nights before. I really wish i could just publish a post that just goes like "IM AFRAID THIS IS THE END, DONT TELL ME WHAT ELSE TO DO, IVE BROKEN DOWN". Everything JUST doesnt seem right. It JUST doesnt fucking seem right at all!!

I dont know what to do. I've told someone tonight that the more you expect something to happen, the more it'll let you down. Through experience, that seems really really right all the time. Being optimistic is like diving into quicksand.

Ive told lies time to time before. But i do potray emotions that i'm really not most of the time. I'm like a timebomb, the chemical reaction in me is so great its bubbling. Just dont be there when i explode okay people. I swear i cant look myself in the mirror after that.

Why am i all worked up like this?? You know what. I dont know it more than you do! Somewhere deep down inside, i feel it. I feel things that i dont potray. I feel like a total wreck.

Why? Dont ask me why! Sigh, i scare people. Yes i do, in my posts, everyone sees another side of me. Face the harsh reality sweethearts, this is my life. And im pretty sure most of yours arent as perfect too! Though some of you may think you are.

I wish for a nice rooftop and a friend right now. Sit down, stare at the sky, and where i can just let go. By all means, id rather sit alone on a rooftop and stare at the sky and yell all my problems without having the cops come over for some fucking rasuah!

Now everybody, lets pretend nothing else happened okay? I'm fine! I'm fine! See! I smile for you! :D