Damn i hate the way i write my posts. So freaking monotonous and boring.

That's what i feel about my own posts. So lacking in juice and zest. Its just so unpleasant to read. I read it myself and it bores me, like some typical essay you would write to score an A in spm. It is no wonder of the sharp drop of readers. Sigh, i saw it coming.

Anyway, i'm feeling really restless now. I dont know if i'm being sleep deprived or fed up of something. I cant seem to find the right answer to why i'm feeling so freaking grumpy and frustrated. Every little thing just doesnt seem right at all. Its like, why am i wasting my life doing this? Why am i wasting my life like that in the first place?

I did quite alot of surveys that'll determined your personalities or like what kinda blogger are you thing. And all the results i got summed up to one factor. I'm an emotional blogger. Yep, believe it or not, it says i blog about my personal issues and i dont care who reads it and who doesnt but as long as i would let the world know how i really felt. Which i find really true. Of course there's always a line somewhere, but so long as i dont blog about racist or sexist or heavy political issues, i'm rather a tenacious blogger. Apart from that, i guess the other weird stuff like my irish name or my pornstar name are nonetheless pure bullshit. By the way, i was an astronomer in my past life and i died in battle. Does that explain something?

Have you ever seen anything on tv that just makes you wanna swear? Like totally shout cuss words to the screen? MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen made me. This fat bitch had her 16th birthday and she acted like she was Adolf Hitler. "Queen of the day" it seems, she ordered her mum around like a dog and she's like this typical american spoilt brat. Sorry, filthy rich spoilt brat. She was scolding her grandma for trying to get her a 2nd hand car which was like only 5 months old, and in the end her mom surprised her at the car showroom with an Audi TT. A bloody Audi TT for her 16th birthday!!!! Like mother like daughter, swearing all over the place. She even calls her mom bitch. I mean, come on la, they call us Asians uncivilised ass cracks, what about them? They evolve so fast they're going in a circle, from primates to humans and now back to primates again. I was like, "what the fug?" "fug you idiot!" "you're the bitch!!". Just to name a few. Gosh i'm still so disgusted by it.

I'm trying to cut down on msn because i feel that finally i should get some control into my life. I dont know how far i can trust myself on that but i'm working on it. Shit, i'm the one who feels idiotic after all. I'm not going to tell what its all about, its just that there are sometimes, you just feel like an idiot for working towards something with a lost cause. Also, i feel frustrated because i have to make the first move in somethings almost all the time. I know its always positive to make the first move, but you have to give and take too. But i feel like i've always been making the first moves it becomes a one way thing. And if i refuse to do anything, no one does in the end. And that's what really really and i mean REALLY frustrates and angers me.

You cant get things your way sometimes. Sigh. Understand me someone!!

Jinny