My room smells like nasi lemak?

It is i, i'm here nor there.

Busted my ass on mathematics throughout the weeks on math probation because i didnt score above a certain bloody grade. I've been tossing and turning over a new leaf ever since, and it still isn't kicking into my system much. The urgency. Maybe i lack motivation, maybe i lack the certain amount of love and compassion, well maybe. But one thing's for sure, i'm fucking deprived of discipline and internal support.

Okay, college is a drag. What a drag it is, this state i'm in. So days without having to attend lectures in sub-zero conditions, is doing the world to me. These days when i can take my creaky grey lotus for a spin, bring it to camp 5, bring it to shah alam for bouldering. Bring it to places where (literally) the sun dont shine. I need it, this freedom, this leash-less life. Do whatever the fuck i want whenever the fuck i want. Although i'm still subjected to some domestic violence back home if i happen to cross any unspoken rules.

Well this is what i need. I've gotten it, but i need it even more now. I need to be in that open field by the lake. I need to lie next to someone, and i need to pinch the moon with my stubby fingers again. Let the breeze play my hair around. Present the bloody mosquitoes to a feast before dining in hell. Have grass particles brush all over my bare skin and aggrevate another bout of senseless scratching. And the stars, oh the stars. The stars and alleged satellites, occasional rumbling of planes up in the sky. Flashes of lightning in the horizon. And moonrings. As i laid, feeling the heat of another someone, it was euphoria. I repeat, it was euphoria. Feels so bloody good.

I got back quite late/early last night. And now i'll probably have to write out a report of places i have been and people i was with to dad.

Yehaa, on a brighter, more painful note. Shah alam bouldering. Following that green hippy van of noel, the bangvan(as referred to by chi khan), travelled along the highways in search of climbing paradise. It wasn't really searching, we had in mind where we were to go, at least noel did. And then we ended up next to the football stadium, much to our amazement, we found paradise. Well until i tried topping over the bloody boulder, lost my balance and fell. Stupid boulder had to rake off bits and pieces of my shin. After that it was more of climbing then wiping blood off then climb again then wipe then fall again and again. The stupid handholds on the climbing walls were so loose they were spinning, so fell there again.

But i'll go back there someday. And probably when i go back, i'll find every excuse to climb topless because its cool. :)

Or at least paul thinks so. How cute.

Jinny