Sobriety on a plate

Firstly, its kinda harsh dont you think? Considering i'm the one who's offering you my services, well as a humble little friend, and you take the liberty to demand on what you want to be done in your favour all the time, i reject, you ask again, i reject even more, well i cant give in all the time as per my own independence and personal choice(but to you it seems as though i've never given in to you). Its okay, most girls have the best reasons in the world to victimise another. You get pissed because i'm denying your wants with wants of my own, and you go on to set me on hellfire with irrelevant comments that i'm always "taking it out on you". My dear, you're being MOTHERFUCKING paranoid like you always are. :)

If you didn't catch my apology in the rift, well i'm reminding you that i (from the bottom of my fuckrotten heart) did apologise for my usage of language. While you were tearing and yelling and hyperventilating while i was well, having chicken.

And then when things couldn't stoop any lower, you go on to say you defended me when fuckholes around me were jutting knives into my sorry ass. You never doubted me. And make it sound like i'm forever indebted to you. Okay maybe i am. But hey, things now maybe rainbows and butterflies for you now, and you think back and ask yourself how many times have i done the same when you're in the shithole with vicious remarks aimed at you?

Heck, i even got stick from my ex-girlfriend because i *apparently* defend you all the time. From whatever remarks that'll stifle your image.

And you have the gusto to tell me "you always take it out on me"?

And yes, i'm an eyesore. Not only in your case. I see those around me, people who'd glare at me from the corners of their eyes, observing and scrutinising every twitch of my muscle. I'm also an eyesore to many. Some, most, beyond my control. I didn't bring myself up to be this way, but if others have a problem with almost whatever the fuck i do, how am i to oblige to their preferences? By quarantine?

See, the thin line seperating us now, is that you're refusing to accept that side of you which all of us(who dares to) can only warn and tell you about. I've never asked for an apology, neither have i asked for anything drastic from you. I just hoped and hope you'd come to terms about your flaws and maybe try to fix that small way of yours. It may reap all the benefits for you initially, but when you keep hounding and hounding on your wants towards others, there is only a certain amount we can take. Or in this case, I can take.

I see you hop in my car, playing pretend like i'm just another employed driver. Drivers where their only motive to you is to drive and shut up. Now dont talk about what you pay me, i'm not sending anyone to and fro for the money. I've never had that bubble of thought ever. You ask me, i'll see my capabilities, and i'll welcome you into my car with open arms. Just dont fucking associate yourself with me merely JUST for transport reasons.

And oh, i apologise again for my language usage. I'm a foulmouth and it isn't something i admire about myself. Besides, i'm pathetic and restless. Even more so.

And my dear friend, i'm not in this for the victory. There isn't a battle to be won just so you know.

And to the other one. To you. The fact that you're being someone who's doing the "dirty job" for others, is not because you dont have a choice, you're unwilling to make another.

I see you have changed around me these days. Like i'm the poison in your soup. You see me and you shun away. It could be because i've changed? Not to your liking, not to everyone's likings? You think i've traded your closeness with another? Well, sorry if i got it wrong, but seems like it.

Well, to clear pictures up, you and her are always there, will always still be there, other people, new people come in and go out of our lives, but who are we to stop one another's likes and dislikes? Someone said she doesnt like new faces incorporated into our group of 3, but really, is it any one of our rights to stamp the notion that we cant have anyone else but 3? What i'm trying to say is that i have my own choices in life, and not all may go yours or my way, but i could AT LEAST make do with a little support in the things i do? And vice versa. From you? And her?

Please?

Sigh.

For some reason, i pissed my maid off today. She came up to me and said i'm more or less an idiot. And stood depressed at the edge of the sink. I stood up, walked over to the cabinet, pulled out a kitchen knife. "Okay. Use this."

Jinny