To my baby. Little moves mean alot.

For the past few days i have been plagued by the blinking-DSL-light-on-modem syndrome. Even worst, not only did the telekom buggers messed around with the telephone wires outside my house which sent my modem into a blinking frenzy, they even cut out my very very very important phone line. So there i was, oblivious to the net world. Constantly wondering how my blog's been until one night on Sunday when the lines were suddenly up and running again only to be mysteriously robbed again half an hour later.

So now i'm back. With my 197th post. My internet's working well (so far). My fingers are quite stiff from laying off excessive typing for that period of time. I'm slowly and surely recovering to normal again.

I'm sure most people in their right minds would feel the need for a prolonged holiday. One week is not enough. One week is never enough. I wouldn't mind having another week to waste with absolutely counter-productive stuff like watching the commonwealth games or afternoon-napping. But mostly because i want more of those days where i just fuck all other commitments, set off to camp 5 in the morning with brad, climb till maybe 2 or 3, get dressed for a movie and probably dinner with mlia, wait till she goes home and make my way back to camp 5 for another round on the walls and there you have, my newfound "perfect day".

But no. The malaysian government had to deprive this particular taman sea kid of a long relaxing holiday and throw him into the harsh reality of the typical malaysian teenage life.

Jack. Somone who has tagged on my blog asking me whether i had "quit athletics because i couldn't win". Now jack, jack. You're in the other world of subang. You hardly even know me as far as i'm concerned. And im pretty sure i have never met you before, unless we've ran together but nevertheless i dont remember any of my competitors. I dont know why i'm still in the athletics team or not would affect you in any way possible. I certainly am not a medal or threat. Maybe i've never been to as far as you have in the sport. For all i'm aware of, this past 5 years of my involvement in athletics is rather insignificant.

For all of you who dont know. If you minus the sports day and marathon finisher medals, i've never won a single individual medal in any other competitions for the past 5 years. Not gold, not silver, not even bronze. Athletics to me, was ONCE something i'd consider devoting my all to. That was way back when it was full of hope and new experiences. As the time passes on, the competitions i go to and the (i wouldn't say failure) unsuccessful attempts to be a competitor to be reckoned with on the track. It began to wear off. I'd see my 2 most encouraging, close teammates arvin and eric quit the team. They're the ones i've always felt i had a connection with. We are still as close as ever now but then it was a huge set-back for me. There was no more potential seen in me and i was becoming more and more familiar to the exact same words said to me by my coach. "You dont win, but you were from no one to a someone now." Which simply means "i dont see you standing anywhere near the podium but at least now you're healthy, have a great body(then), and have changed from a megaton school bag with high socks kid to what you are now."

But right now. Athletics, has been overshadowed by my other commitments like drama and rock-climbing. My priorities have changed now. I'm no more that determined guy in tights gunning for glory. I've become the "oh, competition, lets just get it done and over with so i can go on with my other stuff" man. This clearly shows the loss of motivation and enjoyment in athletics for me because i have found other things in my life that i enjoy doing with great company like drama and things that i set no potential-self-destructive high expectations on myself to excel in like rock-climbing.

So jack, just to let you know, i've not quit the team and i'll be in heptathlon that starts this thursday. I dont emphasise on winning. I just want to rap up and get on with other things.

I hope that cleared your doubts.

In the world right now. The chance to find another individual who loves you for who you are and not what you are is as scarce as finding a malaysian flag in israel. What more to find someone who IS like a part of you that you cant really go through day to day without. But in you, i have found. Emelia. I love you.

I just had to do it. Reading through our msn chat logs since the long days when we were getting to know each other better. Reminds me of the good (and bad) times we really had up till this day. The black eyed peas concert, hilary duff comparisons, friday night science, our "first set-up date" back in form 3, ou movie outings, late-night chats and sometimes with the extra webcam toppings, our corny yet subtle conversations, dark morning walks, the "miss you"s and "hugs and kisses"s, the genting trip, the 21st of december, new years day, your birthday party, 2 am on your birthday on the 16th of january, tuesday evening outings, valentines day, you coming to camp 5 just to ask me what movie to watch, last thursday when we both watched tristen and isolde and of course the magnificent/memorable/wonderful/"hot" saturday with madagascar and the commonwealth games and channel [v] and mtv that followed through. And of course of course better, bigger, more memorable things to come. :)

This is just great.

Jinny