Attention: Armed and dangerous. If you happen to stumble across anyone bearing this name-tag on his left chest, and if in such a good coincidence that you may be carrying any firearms, shoot him for mankind's sake. Watching Helena over and over again, radio-ing to Westlife, the air drums are finally up and running... again. And slumping on the swivel chair, wondering why wouldn't anyone write something about "99 Reasons To Why Eujinn Should Die" in their blogs.
And then, I should be better off dead. Mind clouding thoughts about hate and loathe of the people revolving my everyday life. Its like a day resolution, you wake up in the morning and tell yourself that you'll be having people like these later in the day and how you should just get on with life. To tell yourself these people are merely just people in our lives are no bed of roses. Trust me. Its been this way for years now, and to hear other people trying to act rational, telling you to Do or Die, has never made things worse.
From the heart's point of view, If I didnt care about the deep, cold, feelings of others, I wouldve, couldve, shouldve, easily've dissed SO many people in this blog, this is making me sound like a wuss, but its better to be humble as they say. There are those things in life that can never be eradicated, its so fucking hard to tell people what you think nowadays, they'd just shun you away and maybe assure themselves by quietly claiming you're suffering from mass-paranoia. Its already so hard to express thoughts in blogs without offending people and "bruising their EGOS", let alone a decent face to face conversation. Fuck it.
Amazes me how I'm still blindly sitting here, attending to this blog which I so pussily dare not express all the shit I feel. I have stuff that a normal girl would have a 6 page essay in her journal just to scratch the surface of it, but hell, guys dont keep journals, thats why they have blogs, ONLINE journals, to write whatever shit we want to and tag it up for the whole fucking world to see. Usually, most guys WANT to let girls know what they think, and the girls, well,they try to hide their thoughts so much, it incinerates their lives. But then, there are some things in life that are better left unearthed, swept under the carpet, even if we dont want to, what else have we got to do?
A little insight of what I do nowadays, well, i find the shadiest areas, and I walk alone, take in the air and the clouds above, and think, why'd i get things i want, and why i dont get things i want, I curse the BIG guy up above for putting taunting obstacles in front of me, some may think I'm Schizophrenic, but yes, at times, no, but most of the times, everytime, I talk to myself, I ask myself questions about life, what is happening in the world around, I do get crude remarks when I'm in a complicated mood, I have people call me weird, diseased, freak, etc etc, hard to believe, yes I know, remarks that a normal guy with a bulging ego wouldve easily gone berserk, give that person a black eye, or threatened to jump off a cliff. But well, you cant change the opinions of others, what's said is said, its either you take it in and well, life goes on, or, you stick a .38 into your throat. Either way, its a bitter bitter pill to swallow.
We have no other choices have we?
Maybe these few days, I'll be burying my mind into biology or chemistry, or simply, just gazing into the sky, thinking that if humans were evolved from apes, why'd we have to change our minds from simple thinking, eat, sleep, fight, sex, monkey mentality to the hardcore mindset we all have now. Dammit, fuck... i mean, THANK YOU everyone I'd wanna diss so much in this blog for being such WONDERFUL friends!
Pardon me for all the harsh words Ive used, my post wouldnt be with so much passion if I didnt include anything like that. And I assure you for now, this is NOT a suicide note.
P.S. Julie, if you dont see me online this coming Flatter Night, then well, we'll have to wait for next monniversary yeah. Sorry.
Love,
Jinny
5 comments:
wish i could help.
im sorry to hear that you're having such a bad time.. life's pretty fucked up for me as well... guess we're on the same boat huh?
hope things get better for you..
= )
Remember after our argument, I told you I didnt wanna lose a friend, just wanted to forget the guy? Just so you know, I HOPE and know that I didn't lose a friend then, and that you didn't lose a friend in me.
In return of all the gloomy days you made sunny for me, I'd like you to know that I'm right here. and I promise, that I will be, anytime. Take my word for real.
I'm doing this because I dont like knowing neither seeing your feelings being stabbed by such IDIOTs! I know you would've known who I am by now. So bare in mind, that I'll always be around, give me a chance to make your gloomy day sunny, just like what you've done to mine.[or you can always go fishing by our river and look for the witch to cast a spell on those idiots kay?] =] take care, my friend!
Dear anonymous, thank you for your concern, but well its my life to live and my missions to accomplish, I do hope i can get as much help as the people around me can give, but in the end, it all falls back on me, so thanks though.
Dear anonymous 2, I really do hope things get better for you too, life as teens arent always as glamorous as what everyone may think. Its a dog eat dog world out there. :)
Dear you know me..., well yeah, I know I can find a friend in you, you've been there for me but you dont notice it. You never did. And I guess this isnt just a one-sided friendship between you and me. Works both ways, for good. :)
good thing u splurged it all out :)
be happy-go-lucky kayyy...
sfnsjkksehf
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