Respond, please

So many things can happen in 2 weeks. Well, so far i've been to dubai at least a number of times to have its roads downloaded into my mind. That would mean the roads of Abu Dhabi is branded into my brain. Tell you what, I miss driving. Having an illegitimate liscense isn't the best feeling in the world. Especially when you have to depend on the convenience of others to get you to where you wanna be.

By far the best fun i've had is at the aquaventure in dubai. Water park of some proportion. Besides that, I just started a training session last friday at nearby shangrila hotel's stretch of crystal blue canal for a DRAGON BOAT race on the 15th of this month. Haha. Guess which country i'm representing?

Singapore. Nuff said. Heh.

No, i'm not earning money just yet. But at least i'm also getting a dose of futsal once in awhile. I went to Dubai last thursday for futsal, representing Woods Bagot, an australian architectural firm. Abu Dhabi branch vesus the Dubai branch. Apparently, the AD branch employees, despite being the underdogs, would hastily skin their Dubai counterpart's balls with a potato peeler at an instant. Due to some overspilling man-egos on and off the court. We managed to lose 3-0 with our prides intact.

Yesterday, boo and i went for lunch at an italian cafe down in abu dhabi mall. Having stated before of the metamorphical attitudes of asians adapting to foreign culture, we were served by ultimately arrogant waiters and waitresses(eg: fillipinos) mainly(allegedly) due to our asian outlook. Things like that happen here all the time, when you have an influx of 80% mainly caucasian tourist and labourers here, those of asian descent are instantly demoted to 2nd class citizens. Regardless of status financial or non. The concept of tackling arrogance with arrogance has to be utilised sometimes no matter how unfashionble it seems.

There are some instances when we do come across courteous and friendly waiters but the frequency of those that aren't is absurd. So, we fill up every respond card that every restaurant puts on its tables. Even if its chucked away without even being read, we just do it for the satisfaction.

Even if its read, certain measures might be necessary to ensure the message is through. Like what boo wrote on the respond card, condemning the unfriendliness and politeness of its staff, aptly ticking the box of poor in the friendliness section and signing off as Grace Park, nationality: Canadian. Because nobody takes the asians from asia seriously enough.

I'm currently reading a biography of Heinrich Himmler and his brothers. Titled The Himmler Brothers. Written by the granddaughter of the youngest Himmler brother, Ernst. Heinrich Himmler is known as the 'greatest murderer of the 20th century' for masterminding the extermination of millions of jews during the holocaust. And 2nd in command to Adolf Hitler during the nazi regime.

A good book for world war 2 enthusiasts or followers of the nazi faction.

I hope things are fine back home or back anywhere for that matter.

Jinn

Know you, no pain. No you, know pain

Abu Dhabi, the land where your cigarettes burn brighter.

I think i'm gradually settling into the culture quite well. After 1 week, and the prospect of spending the next 7 weeks here, I think maybe i'm progressing through this adapting phase quite well. I do miss home though, well, actually i miss my staple diet of fried seehams and wanton noodles the most. And the loklok truck.

Its really hard to find good cheap food here by the way. Rephrase that, you cant find good cheap food here. I went to shisha last night and just to have 2 shishas, a glass of juice, a can of pepsi and a morroccan tea set would set you back at 145 dhm, equivalent to RM 145. Including a gratituity fee of 16% or 20 dhm, in other words, service tax. Really, your conventional fries from kfc would cost you at least 20 dhm, just the fries alone. Dim sum in Dubai was almost 300 dhm and i could go on and on about this food price thing.

I visited the grand mosque the other day. A monolith of a structure sitting in between a web of highways. Wholly made of white marble, it holds 3 world records for the biggest dome, largest chandelier, and largest carpet. For me, i've never been too fond about Islamic architecture, so i couldn't really catch the beauty concept of its interior, the exterior is captivating, but the flowery motives on the walls inside, and not to mention the world's largest chandelier looks like the world's largest infected penis. Coated in gold and weighs 9 tons. One hell of a dick.

Oh i just remembered, back to the food topic, lunch yesterday at the noodle house cost 175 dhm for 2 small bowls of tom yum and curry laksa no larger than a little plastic rice bowl, and a large (hardly large) laksa.

Went to the skating rink today and had the biggest culture shock so far. Emirati school kids. They are bastards i tell you. Uncivilised bastards. They yell and spit everywhere, they bring plastic chairs onto the rink and slide them around like wheelchairs, they fling rubbish i every direction. The only cool thing to this, is that even 10 year old kids on a school trip can bring their pipes and their little stash of tobacco, light up and be the bastards they are. Seriously, they all have their own pipes. While we're still smoking cigarettes and shisha and having paranoia and trust issues. I mean, come on.

Malaysia's best export here, is Super Ring.

I think i'm putting on the pounds here. The last time i weighed i was 78kg when i weighed my luggage before i left. So happy because i lost 5 kgs in my 2 months of working at topman. Okay, i'm going to jog and play some balls.

Jinny

Dubai, UAE hello

Dubai is a shopper's mecca.

If you are oblivious to the little tinges of favouritism amongst the races. As an asian asian, you're at the bottom. Without a doubt. The philipinos are supposed to be there with you, but maybe over-time they've cultivated the arab mentality to be the more superior of all the inferiors. The arabs, are well, basicly they think they're at the top of everything, arrogant and fat and all that shit. But the truth is, its like a george bush administration here. But then again, isn't it the same adminisration everywhere else in our asiatic world?

The caucasians are THE MOST superior of us all. We bow to their every need, we're afraid of incuring their wrath, we force a non-existant slang towards them, we always smile an extra smile while serving them as customers.

We make ourselves look small beside them.

But anyway, like i said, Dubai is a fantastic place. The mall of emirates is as big as 3 mid valleys back home while its still not the biggest mall yet. I saw the Burj-al-Arab too.

Pictures soon, while my phone refuses to connect to the laptop now.

Its boring being alone here. Everyone's out and the pool looks inviting. Bye guys.

Jinny

Hold it,i stumbled upon this on wikipedia. Haha. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Girl%27s_Pussy

Download it, try singing to it. It'll be fun. :)

Abu Dhabi, UAE hello

Hi, its dark and 8.30 back home while the mosquitoes are flying about trying to sneak into rooms and its sunny and rather dry here at 4.30. But we have mosquitoes here too.

The flight was rather turbulent from the beginning but what was more turbulent mid-flight were stupid toddlers. Thank god the earphones where noise-cancelling. Still, i didnt get any sleep because the in-flight entertainment was kickass. Minus the 1 minute long arabic advertisements at the start of every program you watch, plus my audio player had an error.

Its quite foggy in the mornings and night due to the temperature changes (which signals that winter is coming!), and the air is dry yet dense, thus harder to inhale. Oh, and the sun seems like its 12983213414483km nearer to the earth surface.

I also acquired some first hand experiences of the so-called "welcoming travellers with open arms" culture. The money-changers are arrogant, the phillipino workers at the mall think they're more superior than asians from asia, and the arabs are the more obnoxious, lazy and rude than all the obnoxious, lazy, and rude people you can think of. Everybody owns a porsche here, and a mercedes/bmw/toyota is like your conventional myvi back home. Maybe cheaper. Nonetheless, petrol and piss-smelling arabic perfume seems to be the best-sellers here.

Maybe piss-smelling arabic perfume IS petrol.

The girlfriend's family house is probably the most beautiful house i've ever slept in. Very mediterranean, high walls, circular architectural design with an open garden in he center of the house, big yard and an elongated pool. My room comes with a huge balcony and a nice cozy queen sized bed. The only things i really need.

However the outskirts where i am now does look like an iraqi post-war zone. The barren land seems neverending. And the highways are straighter and longer than.. okay, shouldn't think out loud.

Okay, am watching Big Stan on dvd now and i'm going to miss the sunset.

Laters guys. :)

Jinny

Don't be so grouchy

I got Rainn Wilson's The Rocker and i'm wondering why Teddy Geiger finally decides to do movies.

By the way, i'm getting another tattoo at least before i leave on wednesday. To be done once i find out what year my maiden grandmother was born in. I want to do her name in hebrew but no one's capable enough to translate.

Yea, so i'm leaving this wednesday if i hadn't mentioned it. It been almost a month now since i last saw thegirlfriend. Only to compensate with the next 2 months of seeing her face everywhere i will be. Haha. Its a good thing. Right?

Sisters went back to S'pore the other day not without leaving me a note that says "Don't be so grouchy". Maybe i have been all these while. Well, if someone writes it down, it would be confirming it right? So maybe I have been all these while.

And albeit inspiring chikhan to revert back to the pariah hippie style with my hair. I have gotten rid of the mane in exchange for a nice clean cut. And then brad came into to topman today and started calling me Petey Wentz.

I couldn't say i'm not flattered. Somehow.

Jinny

A new school of thought, right

Okay, so nothing much changed really. As much as we're all relishing for a change from our current situation.

The faggot Ahmad Ismail is still probably sitting around his favourite mamak while the few people who were detained for speaking the truth are still detained. Despite calls for a review, the ISA still leaves our glorious nation of Malaysia's face with nowhere to hide.

CERTAIN groups/genre/cluster/herd of people still never stops trying to flick from every other shop they set foot into. I mean if the country is so stable, why do we have to strain ourselves trying to see if anyone puts anything that hasn't been paid for into their bags at every minute of everyday? At topman, you'll see this in example everyday.

And i have not started my shifts at camp 5 because no one trains me. So basicly, i do things that other people get paid for without being paid. I'm not whining, but at the rate i'm going and the date i'm leaving, i think maybe i'm better off earning more money doing my time at topman rather than camp 5.

Oh well, training is training. Who doesn't need it?

I'm rather thankful to be in an early group to leave the country before things start to get chaotic. Before a state of emergency ensues.

Sigh, who are we to say, we immigrants mah.

Jinny

Hello fuckingbetterwatchmydamnmouth free world

Maybe its time to pack up because we're merely just immigrants. Squatters if it floats your boat. How do expect to develop a progressing nation when prominent leaders act like neanderthals when it comes to racial sensitivity. Citing a frenzy, ripping pictures off the walls and tearing them up boldly in front of the flashes of the press cameras. Stop it, it makes you look, cheap. Like you're a great bunch of... cockles.

Yum. :)

Jinny

Jesus left the building, i swear

The only reason we are still alive is because we're rebellious towards death.

The harrowing thing about my days is the part in which i'm still waiting. Even more during weekends or public holidays. Fuck the public holidays apart from the triple salaries. During non-office hours, i often find myself spinning back into stagnation. This happens to people who are waiting for their offer letters and psp skype earphones to arrive.

I got myself a tempuro-mandibular joint dysfunction. All these health hazards i have i tell you.

Have you guys seen the samsung omnia? Its fucking awesome.

Jinny

Comeback version 7 point oh

I dont know how many times do i have to stage a comeback to really make a comeback.

I think i'm just too occupied lately. I do open my blog, from time to time. To see liang zhi's face greeting me and the constant kid tech guru tag on my tagbox just waiting and waiting to be pushed one rung down by a new tag. I have also been contemplating about a new title and a new template and i think i'm really open to suggestions despite the fact that i sometimes love to produce seemingly meaningless yet substantial titles of my own.

I guess its the work stress now that my skin's conditions are worsening. Another breakout isn't doing very well for my self-consciousness. Anyway, its been nice earning a few pennies of my own, at least when i spend i dont feel so much of the financial aspect weighing down on me. Okay, bad, i shouldn't even be spending. In fact, i spend less nowadays, i dont swipe the card as much as i do anymore. Except the pair of tailored pants from where i work today(topman), and a new 2000 ringgit phone and another 80 to configure its gps system which still isn't quite working.

Okay, i'm supposedly paying for the phone in a 10 month installment scheme. In which the RM160 a month should be minus-ed from allowances. The parents know already, but i'm still getting my money in full so far, so oh wells...

Okays anyways, I'M GOING TO MELBOURNE!! :)

I've bought my ticket to fly on the 2nd of February. I've already got an offer from LaTrobe for my business course but i'm still waiting fervently if not impatiently for my Victoria U offer. Should be here by hmmm... last week.

I'm also going off to Abu Dhabi to stay with the girlfriend's on the 15th of next month to hopefully, against all odds, obtain a job so i can have my salary in USD and come back here and times 3.3. But realistically, no company would pay 8000 dirhams to make a working visa for a college-completion-cert-holder to work 2 months. No matter how much cock i can talk to sell something. Really, ask johann about his skinny jeans. And he's happy because he loves it. And i'm sure he wants to thank me, in some extravagant way. Heh.

And as though topman wasn't enough, i got hired by camp 5. And i should be starting later today. I hope this is my cherry on the icing(?)(o.o), icing on the cake(?) to getting hired at rock climbing gyms or anywhere else for that matter in Australia. And hopefully, greeeaat time$!

Sigh. Money money money, its so funny in a rich man's world.

I also find myself using my bb gun quite alot recently. Cars, tyres, gate-lamps, the opposite house's glass doors, windows, air-cond generators, my astro satellite dish, maybe the postman's helmet one of these days. Anything i can aim at from my window. Its astonishing how many pellets i can use in 5 minutes. Okay, the bb gun's on my table......

I dont know what else to say for that sentence.

My topman colleagues dont seem too pleased that i'm leaving very soon. Mainly, probably because i've always been a mediator in an ongoing co-working conflict which seems to never end. Even when one half fell off a ladder yesterday. Literally. Sigh, so many 'office' politics that we cant speak out in the open. I dont want to shoot the ISA peoples at my gate.

Its silly, but i'm waiting for a call from AusEd about my Victoria U offer or from Play-Asia.com/Poslaju about my psp skype earphones at 1.22 in the morning. One more thing bought with the card. Omg when the bank statement comes i'm fucked.

I'm in full support of my sister wanting to buy a jack russell terrier. Mainly because i went through oscar's old photos and i never really got over him. Okay i dont see why i want a new dog when i'm not over my old one. Anyway, i still wonder if he's alive. Like trotting around, and barking, and still having that nose infection. Or whether he's less retarded after being a father. Sometimes jo would make jokes about herself kidnapping oscar, or him looking for food around lorong haji taib. Which would sometimes make me think of him more. Okay i just said that. I am not so sentimental about it. But i do miss him. Stop it jinn.

I dont know, i've been real busy lately without much time for my own. But its nice to know that some friends still do want to catch up and hang out like the great old times. Brad and fei, when my schedule opens up, we'd be chillin aiight.

Do you guys who use deodorant get a white stain on your dark-coloured shirts at the armpits? Its irritating.

I'm still alive anyway, and although i do encounter some ass-splitting customers in where i work, Insyallah i'm doing fine. Thank you for asking. If you ever did. :) Heheh.

To my malay friends and colleagues, selamat berbuka puasa, remember no cheating.

Jinny

Somethings best said

Jinny

Tunebutts

So there's a fine line between hot and attractive. So what.

I've been back a week now. Much to the surprise of some as it seems. The plane ride was as much turbulent as i felt leaving Melbourne. Such an easy place to embrace. And so i'm back to sweating while sleeping and being cranky.

Hard to say i'm nonchalant about the growing fact that life after college isn't running as planned. I'm almost undoubtly tied down here to at least a few more years while everyone around is jetsetting to greener pastures. Although, of course, put me on the next flight out if you may. Part-time jobs aren't looking very promising although i admit, i've been picky about the choices of work conditions. Somehow i've only garnered two applications at two different fields of moneymaking.

It seems to be futile attempts though. Or i'm growing impatient.

I've been obsessed with Dexter lately. Haven't felt this obsessed since the Lost days. And last night I got so disturbed because 5 minutes left into the last episode and the dvd hanged. Fucking pandemonium. But awesome series nonetheless.

And i've rewarded my patience and persistence with a psp. I almost made a purchase of a second hand one in melbourne and i made a 2nd trip back to the shop to buy but it closed. And with much persuasion from the girlfriend, i got mine back here brand new and at a better price.

And before leaving melbourne, i bought an absolut peach for everyone back home who has to invite me to a party if they want it. Heh.

I just need the call to be hired.

I couldn't upload videos but i've got some pictures from the trip.

Oh and i bought an almighty australian Penthouse magazine. I'm not sharing that one.

Jinny

My jelly belly

Those with the blog trackers, if you see someone arriving on your blog from melbourne victoria, thats probably just me.

Apparently some of you got highed so badly from your alcohol sessions that i recieved some crank ass message at about 6 am here 2 nights ago. No names mentioned. Know your alcohol tolerance limits lah people.

Well, just got back from Mornington yesterday, the weather there is that fucking extreme. Because its a town by the sea, the wind could probably uproot a tree. The sort that when you lean back in the wind, you'd still wont fall. Its that strong.

Phillip Island weather was also quite a bitch. Drizzles coupled with blizzard like winds. But the view of the cliffs and volcanic rock probably made up for it. The awesome part was when the clouds parted for a moment and the sunlight was let through as it shone into the sea. The beam was really apparent.

I'm having dificulties uploading videos and pictures into this laptop so its really a shame that i cant provide visual images.

Although, i'm glad to be back in the city again. Sushi rolls, and max brenner's belgium waffles, and great italian food on lygon street. I could live on those if i continue my life here. To tell you the truth, i do want to continue a life here. Its probably the only one of the foreign places that i've been that i learned to adapt so well and blend in. I cerainly see myself walking the streets here.

Been buying alot of jelly beans from the candy shop too.

Jinn

Melbourne shuffling

Fucking cold.

Hello there people back home. It is I, having a headache and i cant feel my toes. And i have to eat to keep myself warm. Its colder than you can imagine here in Melbourne because i'm sure you're sweating under your pyjamas now. Heh.

This place is a little more awesome than i expected. Unlike Singapore, I see homeless unshaven people everywhere. Even better that they're smelly and they have syringes clenched tightly in their fists as they gallavant through the streets. Not only that, i just ran into a bunch of obnoxious black kids making hell of a ruckus in the tram. Oh and you can carry a rucksack with wires potruding out. It doesn't really matter here.

Despite all that shit, I see myself here. Or at the least i think i do. The asians are crawling and infesting this area. The caucasians are merely just tourists. Maybe its not to such an extent but the scenario is pretty much like that. It helps tremendously with the culture shock that i was anticipating.

Oh the weather's been great so far. But i think i'll be damning it very very soon.

The girlfriend and i and a whole 6 others will be driving down to Mornington tomorrow. Its a 3 day spa trip. Then proceed to Phillips island apparently to see the famous pint sized penguins. And word is that the temperature there is probably a few degrees lower than it is now. I could be typing this with 3 layers on now if i were on the balcony. Which means I'd probably need to go about in a sleeping bag there.

And we sleep with a heater here. Heaters everywhere. In the bathroom too. Just huge halogen lights emitting feasible amount of heat.

Other than that, i've been surviving on sushi rolls, and waffles a.nd plenty, plenty of chocolates. Chocolate mamak, because the only mamaks here are chocolate cafes. Which explains my cough and sore throat.

Ok. My fingers are stiffening soon. Have fun back home.

Jinny

Kaloodooleepoo

What can one say about Singapore? I think 4 days spent there could be sufficient to solidify the fact that its citizens are probably the most paranoid. Even the Iraqis do not stare at your luggage bag with such suspiscion.

But then again the Iraqis do not have a standby army patiently anticipating an attack from Malaysia. While us Malaysians are busy fretting over the ludicrous increase in everything prices.

I'm back for a one day break before i (hopefully) fly off to Australia tomorrow. Hopefully because i've not bloody applied for a visa yet. I'm putting my hopes on someone who's pulling the strings tomorrow to sort out the visa and its damn suspenseful.

Fucking suspenseful laa cibai.

Nothing else to write today. Because my saliva keeps tasting like last night's fried oyster.

Jinny

I fucking fucking need it

"Our real future lies in the dirt and soil we walk on."

I've reached that interval in time in which i NEED a fresh new start. Just a few more trips for what's past and moulding to ponder and prepare for a new life, lifestyle.

New routines, new balance, new turn, new confidence, new respect, new people.

Because my self-esteem is dwindling and i'm being eaten away.

I should be going to Singapore on either friday or saturday before i fly off to Melbourne with the girlfriend for a recuperation period. Just to do a little more thorough thinking and planning the next step. And when i get back, i'm leaving everything as it is and i'm moving on from this.

My next chapter is not about repairing bonds. Its about getting myself employed. Getting myself useful for the right reasons. Finding a new clique, because existing ones seldom seem to stand on their side of the scale.

Here's to finding myself.

Oh, by the way, if you need something that i could and might provide despite whatever shit, you ask me yourself.

Jinny

You used to get it in your fishnets

"That Bloody Mary's lacking her Tabasco."

Its quite fitting really. Today we have all seen the crowning of 2 champions from arguably 2 of the most powerful continents.

But red is the colour that captivates us most. Or rather just me with at least a few million others.

Glory glory Man United. Not Man Untied. And that David Cook of course. Although i still think he belongs more in the rockstar search programme.

But its crazy really how a primetime television competition manages to garner a world record 92 million votes. Its spastic. Crazy.

Its like 3 Malaysias voting for 2 men. Theres more than enough controversy already with one Malaysia voting for a few old men.

So, i'm sleep deprived once again. At least for today because i was 'part of the champions league final'. And i had biology 4 today, so i'm feeling like a hobo right now. I also feel like i'm really taking advantage of this '2 principal passes' thing for my tertiary education entry. Which i really need to reconsider my priorities right now.

Although, i'm feeling rather good about myself. The carb intake has decreased drastically in the past weeks due to the emergence of mr. muffin top. The self-conscious alleles taking full effect. While gym intensities are increasing. Because i'm embaressed to say, i weigh 84 kilogrammes, and i could always say its muscle mass and bone structure, and then i'm 1.70, and my BMI says i'm overweight, and i cant fit into nice pants anymore, and my belt buckles at the 2nd hole now, and i look like i'm able to feed the children of Darfur with my tummy alone so yeah.

Cholesterol? What cholesterol?

I'm as healthy as a horse.

Ignorance IS bliss. :)

Jinny

Speak, speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces

I miss myself here.

Myself without the figurative writing. That deep, confusing shit. Not this time. Its about time i lay some things about me on this table between us.

Without the facade i put on everyday, i'm short on morale. Its dwindling low despite the sometimes confident outlook i potray. I take the slightest of accomplishments and dwell majestically on it because i can boast of no other. Comes to show it has always been me. I've been stagnant on self-improvement.

I'm tired. Thats what it is. Tired of hoping for a better change. This person i'm talking about is practically an anti-social. I dont talk when i feel that i dont need to.

And i dont want to talk about my education right now.

To the thought of it, I haven't really said much apart from a few postloads of trash recently. Right up till this point is the longest i've written since i dont know.

Firstly, a happy anniversary to me and her.

And secondly, in relation to me and her, there was this shit on a scale so big it got my own family talking about it that i've not said shit yet.

I know its been centuries since but every single comprehensible word on xuerou's one post hasn't really escaped my mind. To be truthful, i still think about it every now and then. I remember myself breaking down, pleading for it to be removed. I'm amazed how much psychological effect such a post can bring, how much of an impression it imprints into you. A year on, and its still like a fresh wound, inflicted by a mere misunderstanding.

To classify it as an all-out personal attack would be harsh, because i'll be fair to say that it was written under the defense of another person which i have already resolved my differences with before it was being written. So this few sentences of me has no swipe or direction to anyone whatsoever, nor am i defending anyone or myself. I'm just coming out with how i still feel even though this has long slipped everyone's minds already.

Its hard. Living out life after someone has casted such an impression on me, her and us. Its not easy going about without knowing whether anyone has read whatever's been said about me, or us. Okay, lets just put this on me okay. Me alone. How i feel.

I'm disturbed. At times i'm paranoid. To the brink of being delirious thinking about why would someone do something like that to me. I pleaded, pleaded with all my heart to no avail. It has brought me the troubles and woes that the particular post was designed to bring. I dont know if anyone would ever feel the sense of achievement by this.

The achievement to maim and injure a person. Let alone a friend.

This one's for you, to make things clear, I'm under no obligation to not help you out when you need me, transport or whatsoever, but thats to the extent that i'll go. I dont mind at all but must you know i'm not someone whom you can count on anymore. And as someone who mattered, let me just say. Please dont do the same thing to the people who you have now, because as much as they take your whinings and demands, they've always cared for you. Nonetheless.

I sincerely hope this doesnt start a blog war under misunderstandings. My intentions are peaceful.

Me, without the fancy deep, confusing shit. Laying it all out on the table between all of us.

Here's to one year boo.

Jinny

This could change some views

"Poetry is nothing to those who dont shed a tear for it."

Its near now. This closing chapter to an old begining. This phase of bodily modifications we are subjected to make or break. Transcending us to a higher, purer level of intoxication. We want so bad to live but strive so hard to die. And when he, death, comes, it would serve us right.

And at times i realize, i'm so morbid. Morbid towards the natural occurences of life. No, its not suicidal, its not whine as you might suggest, it is what we all are.

As you look up into the skies, for divine intervention to a tragic end, it would only occur to you that we're no darker than dirt or finer than ash.

To a realist, this is the beauty of everything.

Impermanence.

Jinny

Bright black coloured pencils

"If you tell me, I listen. If you teach me, I understand. But if you involve me, I learn."

Saw this quote on a piano book somewhere. Thought i'd use it to kickstart april.

Jinny

God left for another planet a long time ago

Hello again grave world. I wish we could all live in harmony but our tranquility has mercilessly been disrupted by these tangling webs of lies amongst us.

No, your undying sympathy is not much needed around here. To hopefully look like the better, bigger person. To break that silence between what was said and what you fucked up. Its brutal in many ways but truth has to be told that the world, no, your seemingly perfect world has no place you and your ego of similiar mould and size.

I hope your masquerade dismisses you. A pathetic harlequin.

The environment shapeshifts us. We, as dopplegangers, are forced to put up with the standards of our society no matter what magnitude. This is the chapter of suicide for most, or another man's moment of pro-adolescent glory. And as we shift unknowingly, uncontrollably, losing ourselves to hypocrity and a stereotypical life, we eventually grow complacent towards why we live and love and then we die. Looking back at our meaningless lives.

I dont want to die, but I'm not keen on living either.

Jinny