Thursday, April 30, 2009
B
Remember when this picture was taken way back. You still had that nose piercing I liked so much.
Here's to more!
I Love You. More than my 'once hard', hairless, lumpy hands can count.
Jinn
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I fold
Something I love doing is browsing through my inbox of my old samsung before I sleep at night. Reading over and over messages from last year and back when it was still a long way to leaving. The 2 months spent living in a foreign yet familiar land. Abu Dhabi was comfortable, more comfortable comparitively to anywhere that I might have ever been. Being with thegirlfriend and her family was an incentive. Spending my days just walking around the malls, Al-Wahda, Marina, Abu Dhabi mall, although I undoubtedly spent a little too much. Trying my hand with a left-hand drive vehicle on rare occasions. Representing the consulate of Singapore in dragon boating along the stretch of clear blue water next to the exhibition centre. Going to Istanbul, my first foray to the european region, although I suffered rather badly with the culture shock.
Browsing through, I stumbled upon a few of kelvin's messages. Though as simple as "where are you?", it flooded me with thoughts of him, knowing I'll never see him again.
And then there were those messages sent in the process of planning something with the rest. Our late-night outs, beer and drinking sessions, dinners, getaway trips and so forth.
My mind has never been so congested before I sleep.
Melbourne, a city so overpopulated, so inspired and eccentric, yet so cold and empty.Jinn
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Hurt or heal?
There are those things I potray. And then there are some that others would never comprehend. If I were to lie to you, I'd say I'm more than happy standing here. Filling this cavity of time somewhere along the rolls of my life. Its not easy, but I cant go about assuming I'm the only one man feeling this way.
How many would be delighted to be able to be in my place. Where I'm in now, at this point of time, with that shot of being successful? Thankful for this opportunity. Thankful for being significant one way or another.
But it doesn't tie me down to the fact that I can't feel low because that is somewhat the case.
Just like you and I, I have needs and wants, which not fulfilled, the ever present sense of misery and loneliness is almost certainly here to stay, and it doesn't diminish just because my opportunities are a little more privileged than most.
Albeit the fact, I shouldn't have said what I said. To realise it took more people to be hurt than to understand was discouraging.
Though the seriousness of this should be waning by now.
Jinn
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Lets be fucking honest here
I fucking want to go home.
Its my silent plea. My quiet protest. A feint sense of regret. I'm really miserable here. Standing on the balcony watching the throngs of people as they walk down the street. Each individual is beckoned by a peer, or many in that matter, another individual with a same purpose, same agenda. And I think to myself, why am I here? Why not down there?
I find myself pathetic. All I gather from others is empathy. Without inspiration, without breakthrough. I'm at a junction where I can't understand this situation and neither can anyone.
I'm lonely. Beyond all things comprehensible. I'm so lonely. Even with the occasional person by my side. Even when I'm surrounded, I'm that one figure in my world. Even with an occasional foray into the public with some people, I strike a lonesome figure. Why? I'm struggling to know why.
I'm alone and I envy. I envy the people here who are making it. Who are always never free, never bored, never lonely. I see their pictures, I watch their days, it makes me feel low. It makes me feel so miserable.
My state of mind has ruled my body. I try, I do. I try to go out and have a great time. Make plans for my own. But most of the time those plans dont come to fruition because I just dont want to step out.
I want to get out, but I'm so confined in my condition, I cant seem to help it. I'm so scared that today is just another mirage of a better day before I slip back into my initial state.
This is harder than I thought it would be. Trying to type these feelings out. Everything is on the surface level. I'm trying to delve deeper but it wouldn't patch up in words.
As much as you'd like to protest, I've got no one here. In the city, the place I thought I'd be most at home, is already so foreign to me. I'm on my own. And everyone has someone or something to look forward to. I'm stagnant.
And when I ventured into a new place last night, Berwick, although surrounded by my compatriots and local peers. Its hard for me to find that welcome because I'm not part of the fraternity or the group. Which was discouraging. Uncomfortable.
Please try to understand mum, dad, you're never going to read this, but I need to go home. I need to be where I'm significant. Where I'm part of someone's life. I'm no-one here, insignificant, alone, miserable, envious, down, pathetic.
I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way you or me wanted it to. Its going to be hard. And I dont know when I'll finally crumble. While I'm almost at the brink now.
You'll read this, but this situation is much bigger and more serious than what words can describe.
Jinn
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
You're an escape
I'm disgusted of the jail food I make to stay alive. But I know I'm hungry.
I'm glad to have found people I could share a common interest with at my institution. But doubtful still that anything substantial could me made out from it.
I'm missing home. But silently searching for signs that home misses me.
I'm in a position where cancer sticks are what keeps my blood flowing. But aware enough to know its what buries me.
I'm one to enjoy spontaneity. But when the opportunity becomes scarce, I wish things were planned out beforehand.
I'm enjoying the progression of things. But sceptical about the prospect.
I'm satisfied with wind in my face. But longing for it to blow me away.
I'm assuming its a placebo effect. But its too realistic to dispel that notion.
I love it when its marred by imperfections. But beautiful still.
I'm in a mire. But funny enough, I'm contented in here.
Jinn
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Everytime you download music, a kitten dies
This is the Edward Cullen your mother warned you about.Melissa Pong in the kitchen, only when the stars are aligned.
In an unrelated but equally interesting note, my university is on strike. Our vice-chancellor came out with a considerate idea to extend facilities by prospectively wanting to construct new campuses. This, in return, has required the university to slash expenses to as much as 30 million dollars. Thus, resulting in the inevitable sacking of 270 staff members and shutting down two other campuses in the outer suburbs. This incredible act of infamy increased student numbers in my campus by about 20 percent, some courses and subjects are in the works of being removed, and we now hold the honorable title of the institution with the 'Worst Teacher-Student Ratio' in Australia. Sigh.
I'm accustomed to sitting alone in uni. Its not easy mingling around.
So to oppose this modern form of hierarchal tyranny, the lecturers and tutors have decided to go on a boycott for about 6 days in 3 weeks. Which undoubtedly means NO NEED TO WAKE UP EARLY NEXT WEEK!
No lah, I'm really serious with my education. I'm dismayed, I really am.
Jinny
Friday, February 27, 2009
Feist-y
Hey, if you have an iPhone, get Shazam from the applications store, because if you hear a song somewhere, and it pisses the shit out of you because you dont know what it is or anything, turn Shazam on and record a snippet of it, it will then search its database of 9 million songs (haha!) and provide you with the answers you seek. Its S.H.A.Z.A.M.
Oh wait, its only available in anywhere but Malaysia.
I've shifted in. Yes. I'm finally inhabiting my own space. Space I duly paid for with a hefty price. And because my room is small and claustrophobic, it undoubtedly looks fifty times cosier now that it is clustered. Tomorrow I'm poised to blu-tack my wall with printed pictures so I get to see everyone's pretty faces before I doze off every now and then.
And maybe take a nice little photo for everyone to admire. Heh.
Its quite a feeling finally living alone. Albeit my cousin's soundly asleep in the room beside. The responsiblities of signing contracts and paying bills on my own, retrieving my own mail, having my name printed on official envelopes. No to mention the overwhelming sense of freedom. Its like finally, a new chapter in life, not in a pseudo context anymore, a real new experience. Although I still loathe the idea of housework.
And classes have started. Having successfully scraping through week 1, I have 2 assignments due in week 3 and a huge one about an interview with a real-life manager. I've also added into 'the people I met' tally, three and quarter Australians, one quarter Indian, one quarter German and one Serbian. Going out to play has been rather tough for me but hopefully it works in my favour.
Its the comfort of having people I know that are willing to do shit with me that's waning.
Today I've been shooting a repertoire of rhetorical questions to myself about my apparent weight-loss. 6 of my kilograms have mysteriously vanished. My waist feels bare at the thought of my size 36 pants that no longer hugs it. Even with the diligent help of the belt.
To add salt to injury, my shirts have all shrunk because of some dryer.
I'm torn between shopping for new clothes or extra feeding myself so I can fit into old clothes. Both requiring to stretch my budget a little tighter. I never knew losing weight had such repercussions.
Jinny
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
On The Other Side Of The World
I can't remember the last time I've started an institution without knowing anyone at all. After three days of orientations and 2 days of classes, I've only come to introduce myself to one and a half Malaysian(s), two british lads and five and a half Australian(s).
Victoria University has decided to start a week earlier than every other higher education institution in Australia, which has condemned me to a 6.30am wake up call, and a 45 minute tram-train-tram ride much sooner than anyone else.
But three days of classes, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and I have the long weekend ahead. Sounds too appealing to make up for it.
I'm very aware of the idealogy of cramming classes into as few days in a week as possible.
Mental block because Gossip Girl is on tv. The bitchful sounds are very very distracting.
Jinny
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Lets go see Raoul, lets make a stand
Then I found this application that allows you to post pictures onto facebook from the iphone. I just have to go to facebook and save image. So inconvenient.
Anyway, a photo of Seasons, the apartment I'll be shifting into maybe by next week.

This is Pelham Street, where the apartment is. Beautiful evening today.Classic us.
Jinny
Monday, February 09, 2009
Binman to Hitman
And today, I've conveniently heard tragic stories of how some people require a whole year's of bawling over the phone to come to a stage where they cant wait to come back here. I'm further doubting myself now.
Its astonishing, the weather really. How temperatures can fluctuate by 20 degrees in a day. Last Saturday, Melbourne had the worst heatwave in history, contributing to bushfires in the suburbs and killing almost 130 people as of now. Right now, its 15 degrees celcius. Complimenting a day of a constant 19 degrees. You never make it a priority to trust the weather forecasts.
Since I got here, I've been moving about, getting alot of distance in my daily walking exercises. I refuse to take the tram because the weather is good. When the weather is bad, I refuse to go out. So far I've been running around to banks, getting bank cheques done, and gallavanting to and fro to the city and to the real estate agent's office.
After the day, its just staying home, watching The Biggest Loser and So You Think You Can Dance and playing pro evolution soccer. Which I suspect is the causing my right arrow button on the keyboard to be a little knackered up. A little bit of facebooking would be an understatement on the largest scale.
But I'll get over it soon.
Sometimes I feel slightly limited for things to do, but I actually have an Australian Tenancy Booklet to read and pages of rules to memorise in abiding to the law of renting property. Oh, I finally have an apartment.
Now that just leaves me with furniture shopping, utensils, internet connection, paperworks, more bank visits.............
I've also come to realise that I really need to mind my language on facebook. Seems like my dad's my most avid fan.
I'd like to think that I could work part-time, given the salary paid to students here is astoundingly high(say RM5/5 minutes), and finance my return ticket back home during the winter. But sub-consciously I also know that I can finance part of my huge rent. However I prefer to stay oblivious.
I know I lack the pictures to justify the amount of words I write sometimes. I apologize. I will post some, soon.
Jinny
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Melbourne, 2009 - ?
Hello hello, this is me again, I think I'm undergoing an initial bout of homesickness, bound to get worse and worse.
I do wonder sometimes what everyone else is doing back home. And the fact that the sun sets at 8.30pm, uncannily, stimulates that thought even more.
Yes, I did cry, albeit having my man-ego torn to shreds, I admit. Like a 5 year old child leaving mummy for the first time in many people's context. But it is hard not to bawl, okay maybe not bawl. It is hard not to tear after the past month of bonding with everyone I know back home. Its a very warm fuzzy feeling knowing everyone acknowledges you and when you depart, and that its not just a sad affair for yourself. Ah, I miss you guys already.
The weather here is awesome, sarcasm not applied. The air is chilly, which is really quite apparent when night falls. Its just the sun thats scorching. The news here predicts that this Saturday comes another bout of heatwaves, pushing the mercury to about 43 degrees. Thats much more than any Malaysian can handle. And the apartment I'm living in now, thegirlfriend's apartment, has no air-cond. Just 2 stand fans in service for combat.
I've been internet deprived since I got here and now that I have it, we just realised that the maximum bandwith is just 200mb. Which means it might just run out by say, tomorrow. With 15cents per mb after limit. Not to mention I spent 13 dollars on wifi at Gloria Jeans this afternoon.
Anyway, I'm yet to acquire my Australian number but in the meantime, I have my usual one and another M'sian number at +6017-3388815. I'll give you my Australian account number on request if any of you are feeling generous. Say, donate to the BradJinn fund. Heh.
And I've gotten myself another email address because I've realised embaressment while filling up official documents with my current address.
chiaeujinn@gmail.com
There, a slightly more matured one. Anyone wants to snail-mail me, I'd be happy to entertain.
Oh, okay, bye!
Leong, Hann, Mel, I'm waiting for you!
Jinny
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Time to shape it and make it
Friday, January 16, 2009
Swab but swap
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Existence without existing
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Let die and live on
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The rich wage war, its the poor who dies

Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Istanbul, Türkiye
Its cold here in Istanbul, and even colder when it rains. Somehow I'm not enjoying myself very much because I cant seem to shake off the culture shock. Its a terrible terrible, miserable feeling.
However, I am extending my stay in Abu Dhabi for a couple days to a week more otherwise it will be a little too hectic when I get back from here.
I know I shouldnt feel this way, but I really want to go back to Abu Dhabi.
Jinny



