Damn i hate the way i write my posts. So freaking monotonous and boring.

That's what i feel about my own posts. So lacking in juice and zest. Its just so unpleasant to read. I read it myself and it bores me, like some typical essay you would write to score an A in spm. It is no wonder of the sharp drop of readers. Sigh, i saw it coming.

Anyway, i'm feeling really restless now. I dont know if i'm being sleep deprived or fed up of something. I cant seem to find the right answer to why i'm feeling so freaking grumpy and frustrated. Every little thing just doesnt seem right at all. Its like, why am i wasting my life doing this? Why am i wasting my life like that in the first place?

I did quite alot of surveys that'll determined your personalities or like what kinda blogger are you thing. And all the results i got summed up to one factor. I'm an emotional blogger. Yep, believe it or not, it says i blog about my personal issues and i dont care who reads it and who doesnt but as long as i would let the world know how i really felt. Which i find really true. Of course there's always a line somewhere, but so long as i dont blog about racist or sexist or heavy political issues, i'm rather a tenacious blogger. Apart from that, i guess the other weird stuff like my irish name or my pornstar name are nonetheless pure bullshit. By the way, i was an astronomer in my past life and i died in battle. Does that explain something?

Have you ever seen anything on tv that just makes you wanna swear? Like totally shout cuss words to the screen? MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen made me. This fat bitch had her 16th birthday and she acted like she was Adolf Hitler. "Queen of the day" it seems, she ordered her mum around like a dog and she's like this typical american spoilt brat. Sorry, filthy rich spoilt brat. She was scolding her grandma for trying to get her a 2nd hand car which was like only 5 months old, and in the end her mom surprised her at the car showroom with an Audi TT. A bloody Audi TT for her 16th birthday!!!! Like mother like daughter, swearing all over the place. She even calls her mom bitch. I mean, come on la, they call us Asians uncivilised ass cracks, what about them? They evolve so fast they're going in a circle, from primates to humans and now back to primates again. I was like, "what the fug?" "fug you idiot!" "you're the bitch!!". Just to name a few. Gosh i'm still so disgusted by it.

I'm trying to cut down on msn because i feel that finally i should get some control into my life. I dont know how far i can trust myself on that but i'm working on it. Shit, i'm the one who feels idiotic after all. I'm not going to tell what its all about, its just that there are sometimes, you just feel like an idiot for working towards something with a lost cause. Also, i feel frustrated because i have to make the first move in somethings almost all the time. I know its always positive to make the first move, but you have to give and take too. But i feel like i've always been making the first moves it becomes a one way thing. And if i refuse to do anything, no one does in the end. And that's what really really and i mean REALLY frustrates and angers me.

You cant get things your way sometimes. Sigh. Understand me someone!!

Jinny

I hate everything thats ONE WAY.

I'm too lazy to write anything else.

Jinny

Just having fun with Picassa. Good times of Genting Crew 05.

 

Well, this is also what i did with Paint. Collage of the good times of 2005.
I apologize if you cant see anything in clear. :)

 

Genting Crew 05, done by Jinny. :)

 

SINammon pretzel. Very SINful hor hor!! Urgh.

Gallavant to OU today with the leftovers of the Genting crew without a vacation. We watched Perhaps Love or Ru Guo Ai in mandarin. Show was quite confusing with flashbacks here and there and a complicating screenplay. But the songs and the singing was nonetheless breathtaking. Which is a good thing for an Asian film.

Before the movie, i was shopping alone for slippers and a t-shirt while John, Melia, MelP, Melinda, Jin and Chucs were at Genki Sushi for lunch. Bought Adidas flip-flops for RM 59.90 and an Audioslave t-shirt for RM 19.90!!! Who says guys cant shop!?

After the movie, went shopping with the girls for earrings. John and i shared for the 6 earrings we bought for the girls as Christmas presents. I've never bought a christmas present, so this is the first for me. Then bought Jin some beef and fries as her christmas present, something a little extra. And i noticed that probably the only time the 5 dollar shop earns its income is during the Christmas season. Everybody wants to go cheap nowadays. I mean, come on, who doesnt?

After Jin, John, Melinda and Mel left. I followed Melia and Chucs to the juice shop, which is some shop that makes juices, i mean those really healthy ones. They got themselves some kinda disgusting detox mixed juice. Yucks. My mum blends fresh apples for me and i get sick to the bone tasting it. And apple juice goes through oxidation too, it turns a dark brownish. Ugh.

So, i pampered myself to a cinammon no wait.. SINammon pretzel. Melia and Chucs started teasing me for commiting SINs. I just stood there and wondered if it was nessecary to laugh along. After all i'm following Melia's transport, so HA.. HA.. HA.

Jinny

ATTENTION/ACHTUNG

I as the superhero tyre, with my sidekick superhero condom would like to pinpoint a potential threat to humanity thats lurking at every corner, or maybe behind you. Therefore we feel that it is our utmost responsibility to present to you a picture so you would recognize the threat(s) you're dealing with. Now now, there's no need for much words, lets cut to the chase.

Threat name: Sue Vern Jojo
Resides: Somewhere in PJ, although not known where exactly
Ambition: To rule the world. Although such claims have not been confirmed by the Federal Bureau of Abnormality and Idiots, FBAI.
Dysfunction (Very Important): Constant claims of being the lost descendant of Hang Tuah may suggest this person's quite epileptic and psychiotic. According to the picture, threat currently works as part-time florist and teacher in a makeshift classroom-cum-toilet in China. This clearly shows that threat is neither hygenic nor health-conscious. And lastly, be notified, that threat is very very very very very weak in alphabets. Yep, alphabets, who knows it might be the best weapon against this potential disaster.

I have had a thorough discussion with my partner and i will hereby, make a promise to the normal world, that me and my partner, superhero condom will do any little thing possible to stop this in its tracks before it gets to any of us or our cute little kids. Ladies and gentlemen, YOU have my every word for it.

I apologize for the clarity of the picture, what matters is that you familiarise yourself with whatever possible, be it the silhuoette, or the outline of the threat. It could save you life!

Superhero tyre, superhero condom and from the rest of the latex enforcement, i bid you all good night and good luck!

No more soddy tragic posts for today okay.

I know this may sound like i'm reapeating it but i've wasted my whole afternoon away cleaning my room and editing pictures with Paint. Yep, you read it right, no adobe photoshops, no image editors, just plain ol Paint. Fascinating aint it?

You know, for the last 145 posts, i've not written anything about football. This just hit me today, because i just realized i have a printed out table of next year's world cup groups. And i must say, group G with France, Togo, Switzerland and South Korea is like crap. Totally! If the every group was that easy we could name the world cup the "score-all-you-can cup". I suppose you readers might already be pointing your cursors on the exit button at this point. Fred not because i bring you...

You think you know, but here's some things you may not know about me List:
- For fun. :)
- I always thought i created the word "Brunch".
- I used to play the violin.
- I collect brand tags.
- I collect plastic bags.
- I have a blue book in which i call My Diary.
- I used to play with Barbie Dolls.
- I used to bathe with Lego.
- I drool when i sleep.
- I used to think Asia was somewhere in Malaysia.
- And i used to think Malaysia was somewhere in the US.
- I used to get paranoid when the clock ticks while i'm sleeping.
- I always talk to myself when i'm alone.
- I whisper motivation to myself before i do something, like running.
- I personally have a problem with China.
- I still wear the chequered pyjama pants grandma made, occasionally.
- I never fancied desserts.
- I plan to create my own recording studio-cum-shower.
- I seldom practise my Ps and Qs at home.
- I've acted on stage with a famous Malaysian actor when i was in standard 4.
- I've been in the Bausch and Lomb Contact Lenses advert in standard 5.
- I get punished for being a rascal in my primary days.
- Yet i've NEVER stepped into the headmaster's office for disciplinary reasons.
- I bite my nails. ALOT.
- I lick my lips. ALOT.
- I bite my drumsticks.
- I bite ALMOST everything that isn't poisonous.
- I just killed a centipede in the toilet.
- I talk more online than i do offline.
- One of those things i really suck at is starting a conversation face to face.
- I spend more of my time thinking of what to say than saying it.
- I get very very frustrated whenever i play PES 5.
- I'm straight.
- Yep, that's right. I'm straight.

There are some more but right now, i think this is about enough for all of you to know.

Remember the book i told you about? The one that totally turned my little cousins on. Yea.

To be exact, this is the part that started the reaction. Since you cant really read it, it says "Susie's vagina tingled at the thought of Eric Twinklebutt but she still did not know what to do"

Oh, and Merry Xmas People. :)

Jinny

You cant write a decent post to express yourself without having people think that you're seeking for attention and sympathy nowadays. But then again, words are only words. They dont show how you really feel.

I hate myself to a considerable bit for some reason.

I'm too lazy to get things done. I have clothes that have been hanging around for 2 weeks now and i'm not making an effort about it. Actually i dont even give a damn, but i know i should.

I guess what vern said in my tagboard is right. I'm in the hangat hangat tahi ayam mood. The worst thing is, i'm really aware of it, but not doing shit about it. It frustrates me. For example a job, i was supposed to get one like a month ago, until now, the thought's there no doubt, but i didn't do anything when i have the chance to. I would consider myself a naturally lazy person. Commented by primary teachers throughtout my 6 years. Even my family thinks i'm too lazy for my own good. I dont know, i feel so helpless. I dont know what to do. I really dont.

Ever felt like you've been neglected by the person who you thought cared for you most? Sigh, its exactly what i'm feeling right now. 14th December 2005, 2:11 am. I dont know, maybe i'm asking for a little too much without ever saying anything. Maybe i'm expecting a little too much from what it really seems. Maybe i feel that there's something where there really isnt and i'm too defiant to convince myself i'm wrong. You dont see it, no one does, because i dont show it. Only through words i do but words dont mean a thing to anyone. No one really trusts words. I'm confused, i'm down, i'm frustrated.

There's nothing more to look forward to anymore. There's no drive to make you want to step into the next day. I'm so down i cant even describe it in words. SIGH.

Smile jinny! You still have so many friends! Consider yourself lucky! Look on the bright side! Smile.................................... Shut up!

Waaaahh, what to write? what to write?????

My stupid self keeps telling me that i've been thinking about writing a long juicy post since Sunday but right now i cant even remember anything about what to write!! Kanina wey.

First stop, merry christmas to everyone, oh ya! I remembered now, i wanted to list down my christmas list, although i dont celebrate christmas but you'll never know someone, somewhere, sometime might spend that extra cash on you without you knowing. So, just in case lah. Hehe. The list comes after the whole post.

Yesterday, my relatives came over for no occasion at all. They just come lah. I'm sure all you out there who have cousins around the age of 7-10 know how it feels to have them around. Yelling here and there, laughing at every "do not" as a joke. My sister has this Creepy Susie and 13 other tragic tales for troubled children book. And although the name may sound like some amateur childs play kinda thing. Wait till you read it for yourself in your mph bookstores. My standard 2 cousin happily read the whole story aloud until it came to a part where he stumbled upon a word he couldnt pronounce, let alone understand. So, kids being kids, he went to ask my sister "sue lynn sue lynn, what is vah-gee-nah??" I wasn't there, but i could hear it all too clear and i'm sure my sister was if not more as shocked as i am. She hesitated while my cousin continued questioning her. I could tell she wasn't taking the risk so she said "i dunno". And when we all thought things wouldnt get any better, it didnt. Another cousin of mine, some few years older acted the all knowing boy, he yelled "oh!! oh!! its ver-gai-nah lah! The girl's that part, yer you very ham sap wan you!" I dont get it, he's planting the meaning into my cousin and accusing him of being a pervert at the same time. Whatever it is, my younger cousin never stopped vagina-ing all through the afternoon and dinner. I'm worried for him.

Enough pervertism, i realised in these few days that i'm a little more open to subjects that has been a taboo to me. I talk more openly, especially online. I dont really know if its because i feel more comfortable conversing with people or that i've broken some of my boundaries. I just talk more than i always do. And if you didn't notice, try me after midnight. Talk about it, i'm sleeping at times when other people wake up for morning jogs and tai chi nowadays. Which probably means i'm a little sleep deprived.

Today, forced myself up at 7 for morning jog with melia and chucs. Everytime i plan morning jogs, the mornings would either rain, or would seem rather perfect than usual. Which really makes you want to just off the nightlamp and snuggle up in you comforter. Like this morning, i woke up at 6.45 to the sound of my alarm. Snoozed till 7 when melia called to meet at the basketball court in 10 mintues. I turned off my nightlamp and the room became cosily dark, with glimmer if light creeping in at the side of the curtained windows. I thought OMG, i dont wanna get outta bed! So i snoozed in for another 2 to 3 mintues or so. Oh well, commitments are commitments. I washed up and met chucs at the basketball court. Melia was LATE! We didnt really jog anyway, we just walked and walked and walked. Then we sat at the basketball court and talked and talked and talked. It soothes me to know that i have my "jogging" kakis just a stone's throw away from my house.

After i got back, i slept from 11 to 4!! Now i dont usually sleep in the afternoons but this time was more like a replenishing sleep. I've got my sleep and i'm not sleepy now!! urh. Dad questioned me on why i was playing PES on my sister's computer today. So i told him my own computer's like rubbish. To my surprise, he said he was gonna pass to me a Dell brochure, asked me to point out the configurations i want, i asked him "why? wanna upgrade my comp?" which he promptly answered "either upgrade or i will get you a new computer and i'll bring the one you have to my office" I was like, wat-the-fug. First you scolded me for spending half my teenage life in front of the comp and now you wanna get me a freaking new comp?!?! I'm not complaining though, ohhhh i'm NOT complaining. :p

So here, my utterly pointless christmas list:
- A JOB!! Something to keep me thinking i'm quite useful. For now, hehehe.
- A new computerrrr!!!! *New Entry*
- Another trip with the genting crew 05.
- FHM's 100 Sexiest Women of 2006. I want it early!
- To go out on christmas.
- To go out on New Year's Eve.
- To go out on New Year's Day.
- To go out tomorrow.
- To go out for a movie marathon.
- To NOT plan for the last 5 wishes.
- Picture with sexy santarinas and not make santa jealous.
- To go for a japanese buffet.
- To go for a buffet.
- To go for char kuey tiaw.
- To go for curry laksa.
- To go for a party. I wanttttt!
- To go trick or treating on christmas. Xp
- To wake up earlier nowadays.
- To not be too stony in front of the webcam.

Ah. Dear Santa, if you cant fulfill anyone of these, just send a santarina in skirt over to make it up to me okay? You dont have to come. :) Love ya Santa!

Jinny

I saw this lying on sis' table and if it was mine, i'm locking it in a steel suitcase and throwing it inside croc infested waters to save it for myself. Call me selfish, i dont care! DAMN!

There is NO freaking way i'm gonna show all of you what's inside, for me to enjoy, and you to erm.. envy!! Oh well, better go cool myself, i'm sweating like a pig.

Jinny

I wanna tell a story!

One day (6th December 2005), a boy named jinny went up to Genting with Johnny Prawnie at 7 pm to meet up with their friends Benjo B, CiBaiVinDra, Chucolate, Memelia, MelP, Cindeyennie, Jin sista and Malinda Chong CB who already went up earlier in the day. Jinny and John left late because they had things to do earlier on, thats why they could only afford to catch the last bus from KL Sentral up to Genting. The bus ride was dark and quite enjoyable.

At 8 pm, the bus ferrying Jinny and Johnny arrived at the cablecar station. They both had to wait patiently for the elevator which was packed with old people with batik shirts and impatient gamblers. Soon enough, jinny and johnny got on a cablecar with an indonesian couple because the empty cablecar before had "Under Test" posted on the door-screen. The ride up was a smooth and dark one, except for the smell of fag that filled the whole cable car. Jinny felt like strangling the indon man and john also had the thought of it.

After arriving at Highlands Hotel, Jinny and Johnny felt hungry, so they both took a place in Starbucks outside the hotel and waited for Benjo and Vindra to come meet up. Jinny ordered a chicken finger sandwich and Nantucket punch while johnny went to the toilet. Not long after, Benjo and Vindra came and benjo took one slice of jinny's chicken finger sandwich while john took another. Whereas vindra and everyone else drank half of jinny's Nantucket punch. But well, sharing IS caring. After a light dinner, benjo and vindra led jinny and johnny to the hotel room on the 10th floor which is a premium floor. The room they stayed in were linked rooms, which means 2 rooms linked together by a door in the middle, one for the boys, one for the girls. And almost every door of the toilet cant be locked. Jinny was flabbergasted and anticipated much fun from this trip waiting to happen.

Jinny, johnny, benjo and vindra met up with the girls in the arcade, and then they too decided to spend money in the arcade. While the girls went to play some mild, kindergarten games like picture viewer or whatever the name was. After that, everyone went to Kbox, which was a small booth with 2 chairs, a tv screen and a uncovered ventilation fan inside. Like a portable Karaoke Box, Jinny went into the booth with Jin, Johnny and chucs and sang his heart out. Boy was he sweating. After so much fun, everyone went camwhoring at the gigantic christmas tree.

Back at the hotel room at about 1 am, everyone washed up, took their baths, played music all over the place and ate instant noodles. Jinny brought his creative speakers from his computer and linked it up with his mp3 player which played some really boring songs. Benjo's mp3 player played funny christmas songs like "12 Adult Days of Christmas" which proudly emphasises on the word "5 Mother F*ckers". Although not serious, jinny threatened to sleep in the bathtub because it was more cooling. In the end, Jin sista complained there was a cockroach in the bathtub, and Jinny thanked god he wasn't serious about sleeping in the tub. Later on, while Malinda went off to bed, everyone played Taboo and had so much fun guessing. Jin sista had a card that says the word "VIBRATE" and she asked "What do girls use to satisfy themselves?", ALMOST everyone answered "vibrator" and then jin sista told us to cancel the last part so it became "vibrate". How clever of her. At around 4 am, after much Taboo, johnny and jin sista joined malinda in bed while the rest went down to the car park for a walk. In the cold breeze and the company of friends singing and dancing at 4 am, Jinny felt that the trip couldn't get any better and realised that the best part might not have come yet. At 5 am, everyone went to sleep, no one cared about the boy girl room policy, melP went to sleep with her mum, malinda and jin sista in the next room while jinny, johnny, benjo, vindra, chucs, melia and yennie slept in one room.

9 pm, and everyone was awoken except lazy yennie who tried so hard to tug into some more sleep. Melia pulled her blanket away, melP sat on her, but to no avail, nothing worked. Lazy yennie woke up at 9.30 when everyone else woke up at 9. After brushing up and bathing, everyone got dressed up for the theme park. Jinny searched for green apples so he didnt have to brush his teeth but he could only find red ones. After getting the tickets, brunch was served in a luxury dining restaurant called The Olive. It was Jinny's first time to a luxury dining restaurant where you sit in sofas and huge armchairs and where the food is prepared artistically and costs a bomb. Thanks to melP's mum, everything was paid for.

It started to drizzle as soon as jinny and friends stepped into the outdoor theme park after their satisfying brunch. The first ride they sat was the crazy teacup and everyone came out of it walking aimlessly. Then it started to rain heavily, so everyone ran into the lame exhibition showboat with the interesting room of mirrors on the top floor. Still, it was lame. When the damn rain wouldn't stop, everyone went back into the arcade and played a few rounds of daytona and time crisis. Awhile later, jinny and friends went back out to the theme park and found that the rain had finally stopped, jinny wanted to ride the super tobbogan although aware that he's 3 kg overweight but the super tobbogan wasnt open then. So he pulled everyone over to the swing ride, the one that goes in circles. As it was about to reach their turns, it started to rain again and they quickly ran to shade and waited. While waiting, malinda rounded everyone up to play the hand game where only primary kids are only known to even think about it. At 5 pm, the rain finally subsided and jinny and friends were finally able to sit the swing ride which was the 2nd ride of the day after 4 hours wait. Later, vindra pulled everyone over to the go-kart line and realised that it wasn't open because part of the track was flooded, so they went to dinosaur land instead. An hour of lining up and the whole dinosaur land ride on the boat was a waste of precious time. The only word to describe it was LAME. Jinny felt that the whole outdoor theme park was a waste of money especially when it rains, and he's quite sure everyone thought this way too. But in the end, everyone got their money's worth at the swing ride again. They sat over and over and over again. Which was really really amusing and fun.

Jinny and friends went for a 2 hour dinner at Be a Star, which is smiliar to Red Box, somewhere where you go in, sing your heart out to the karaoke machine and have people serve you meals and tidbits for a reasonable price. After dinner, everyone took a nice walk to First World Hotel where the arcade and indoor theme park is. Jinny, benjo, melP, melia and yennie went to Starbucks to grab some coffee to keep them awake for the whole night. Jinny ordered a Caramel Machiatto which was his first time drinking espresso. Everyone met up at the escalator before moving on to the outdoor car-park outside Highlands Hotel. Then Jinny and benjo decided to play hide and seek and in the end, everyone agreed on playing hide and seek. Jinny felt like a kid again, playing hide and seek with grown up 16-ers in a car park. It was probably the most fun part of the whole trip for jinny. No, not probably, THE MOST fun part of the trip.

Back at the hotel room, everyone bugged lazy yennie to go shower because she hadn't showered in 24 hours. After washing and cleaning up, jinny suggested a game called current, a game where you hold hands and you start squeezing the hands of the person next to you to pass the current and the person in the middle has to guess who's having the current. To make things better, it was played in the dark. Malinda told lame stories while playing the game which got everyone laughing. At about 4 am, melP's mum called and asked if a few guys could go escort her back to the hotel room from the casino and jinny, johnny, benjo, vindra, melP, melia, chucs and yennie set off to get melP's mum without hesitation, only to find her waiting for the elevator when they got down to the lobby. The coffee and espresso didnt work and everyone slept at 5.

11 am was the wake up call and the check-out time was postponed from 12 pm to 1 pm. Johnny and vindra volunteered to take the cablecar down to buy 3.30pm bus tickets back to KL Sentral. While the rest cleared up and lazed around the hotel room watching The Grudge and camwhoring. Everyone took the cablecar down to the bus station at 3. MelP, melia and yennie followed because melP's mum had some important things to settle. The bus driver was a grumpy idiotic asshole who doesnt put passengers first but his ego on his list. And jinny and friends could've just lost their lives on that very fateful bus ride that day. Thankfully, for all the dear readers out there, they reached KL Sentral shaken, but in one piece and are more than thankful for it. A group photo was taken and they refreshed themselves and finished up the last few megabytes of their memory cards by camwhoring at McDs.

DEFINATELY, A TRIP TO REMEMBER.

THE END!

If you think this is for sympathy, i guess you're right.

I'll write about my Genting trip after ive gotten all the pictures. Right now, i DO feel like drugging myself to a deep sleep. I'm really really really really suffering.

I've got cough, migraine, the urge to vomit, minor gastric, a blur in sight, i'm having 2 layers of top clothing with socks and i'm still very very very cold. Every part of my body is numb.

I just came back from the doctors and i have a slight fever and a respiratory infection. Probably worse, i might not have explained what i feel in a little bit more detailed for the doctor, because i personally feel its much worse than that. Sigh.

Kill me someone. Please

A diet?? What's that?? Is it bleeping edible??

Alright now, no more sick, sorry, pathetically depressed posts for now. Everyone seems to be having funny views about it. Its not about friends, its about me. Oh well, lets keep my to my word shall we.

As of today, no wait, as of the day i started eating like i'm paid to, i dont care about anything relative to a low-carbo diet. I still try to maintain the low-carbo restrictions but heck it, there's too much food and temptations to have a diet. I mean, its the holidays dammit!!

Guys and diets, dont last long. You cant compare us to women can you??

Jinny

I feel like i've failed.

"Haha, im fine im fine, dun worry about me, seriously, im fine"

Those are some of the lies ive told tonight and many nights before. I really wish i could just publish a post that just goes like "IM AFRAID THIS IS THE END, DONT TELL ME WHAT ELSE TO DO, IVE BROKEN DOWN". Everything JUST doesnt seem right. It JUST doesnt fucking seem right at all!!

I dont know what to do. I've told someone tonight that the more you expect something to happen, the more it'll let you down. Through experience, that seems really really right all the time. Being optimistic is like diving into quicksand.

Ive told lies time to time before. But i do potray emotions that i'm really not most of the time. I'm like a timebomb, the chemical reaction in me is so great its bubbling. Just dont be there when i explode okay people. I swear i cant look myself in the mirror after that.

Why am i all worked up like this?? You know what. I dont know it more than you do! Somewhere deep down inside, i feel it. I feel things that i dont potray. I feel like a total wreck.

Why? Dont ask me why! Sigh, i scare people. Yes i do, in my posts, everyone sees another side of me. Face the harsh reality sweethearts, this is my life. And im pretty sure most of yours arent as perfect too! Though some of you may think you are.

I wish for a nice rooftop and a friend right now. Sit down, stare at the sky, and where i can just let go. By all means, id rather sit alone on a rooftop and stare at the sky and yell all my problems without having the cops come over for some fucking rasuah!

Now everybody, lets pretend nothing else happened okay? I'm fine! I'm fine! See! I smile for you! :D

What if I have that much self-control over myself and i hate myself for it?

What if I feel like this mind's been wasted and what if i'm just gone?

What if i'm not even what i really am?

What if life is like a slow death sentence?

What if it never ends when you think it already is?

What if these words are not only words, but reminders?

What will others think?

What will you think?

What will this world be than just a world?

Where no one really cares?

When they say they do, will you believe them?

Will you risk it all?

Will you be able to take the outcome?

Will life be too short for everything to be right in the end?

Will we know the answer we're always searching?

Will we?

Ever?

First things first, this is merely for fun.

Okay. Allo. My name is Ah Jinny ar. Tolight i rerlly feel like beloging leh. So ar, now i like to tell ah you all my setory okay anot?

Laz naiit i got a fely fely bad gastelic ler, vely pain, malau pain like nefer pain before leh. Evelyboly az me to dlink milk. And len ar, kot some poeple az me to don dlink milk worr. So laz naiit i vely confoossed la. In the end leh, i never dlink anythin oso. Nyehe. Len har, when i zeleep light, i hug the boorster so tite you no! But still pain. Hehe, dunno why oso. Len hor, the gastelic laz antil juz now lerh, muz be food poiseling la! Aih, i vely puer hooman bing ler.

Jaz now i go to OU. Wit my flens. We juz now go watsh Zathula show. Got sum pars vely funni ler, and len got sum pars vely scally. Espresialli the pars werh the lisard man cum ow. Wah, my hart pump vely fas! Hafwei troo the shoh sullenly alot of poeple kia lai kia keh, wok here wok lere. Len got wan zha bo, the anty, so angly she scol the cilema poeple. Scol unlil see beh zhia latt. All the poeple look at her. Real bueh pai seh wan.

Afler the shoh, we all go play ah, ah.. fooosbok ah, no no, foosbol. Wah we all play unlil so happi, shauting here shauting lere, scleeming here scleeming lere. The gerls la. The anty in the cilema oso loose ar! Play play finis oredi len we go kia kia, the gerls ar, xr la, jin la, sahni la, ben oso, all see beh bueh pai seh, sit the ang kong kia tlain. The wan moofing raun and raun the top flur wan ar. In enclish is the ehnimal tlain. Ehlic and me fasler wok awey, he tell me "we ar not the smarlest poeple in the werl but we ar not so selupid to sit the iliotic tlain." I ting hees light lor.

My sisler boipren Saimern sen me, my sisler, and chucolat hom. Laler afler deener, me and my sisler endled up telleng my glandmaler stoly erbaot the lat. The BIG lat la, olweis rahning alound in the kichen wan. My sisler say "now days ar, all the lat vely big and semaat! Juz laik the moziqitos. All muteiterd wan!" I aglee wit her lor. The lat, fai muns ade rahning alound laik setupid iliot, seteeling kueh la, tau fu fa la, tao sa piah la, evelyting la! Sahmor set tlap so long ade stil kenot catsh. Aih, lat got go sekul wan ar? So semaat wan.

Enup la, my ingelish not vely gewd ler. Vely haad too belog perperly. Solli if you kenot untersetand me! Vely solli!

Oh and chucolat ar, yor sepakteekels vely nais la, mek me look laik Pau Kok Peng the Pin Tai Sek Moh. Nyehehe, you len me ya nest taim, i wana go kau suah cha boh. Wahahaha!

If you cannot understand this post, shut the window and stop wondering! Haha!

Jinny

That's it! No more Kinder Buenos and everything sugary for jinny! A motivation message to me. Sigh. More importantly, it rhymes. Ha ha ha.

I just wanna let everyone know.

Whatever that means but yeah. Fleur Delacour rocks my bollocks. So if you have long wavy blonde-to-the-blondest hair, with sharp facial features and a cold stare. CALL ME!!! PLEASE!!

Fleur, DAMN I love you!

Jinny

I'm a shithead thats for sure.

Let me tell you guys honestly. The whole low-carbo hoo-ha diet thing is REAL. I do assure you however, that i might be as serious as ever about this diet for maybe a week or so, and after that, you can count that its all just absolute bollocks.

The night market outing just now was such a good example. I know, and i'm fully aware that i'm on a strict low-carbo diet and i have more or less another 3 months to cut my weight down to 65kg which to some hardcore bulimic aneroxic supermodels, is as easy as bringing your aunty's dog for a stroll in the park. But what i noticed about myself today in pasar malam was not the serious dieting eujinn that was yesterday. I felt more like the appeton skeleton kid who got forced to eat chicken drumsticks and a bottle of appeton every half month or so. The main thing is i feel more like a undisputed sumo wrestler defending my title than the eujinn who's determined to lose 6kg in a laughable 3 months.

This clearly shows the bloody self control i actually have. I mean, i'm not restricting myself to food. Its just that i need some self control around here. I see a truck selling ice blended mango and i'm like george best in a whorehouse. I see sticks after sticks of sea-hams (or humps as jo calls em) in the lok-lok stall, i lose myself in the mercury and iron. The worst part is the takoyaki. Mayonaised covered octopus balls. And right now, i can still console myself telling me i have another styrofoam box of takoyakis sitting in my refrigerator. I cant help it. Food is good.

I know some of you maybe like wtf? Since i cant hold myself at all, why go for the diet at all? I can try but i cant tell you why i'm actually making such a big fuss outta this. I dont claim to be fat. I claim to be heavy. There's a glaring difference. To me, its not the slim figure or whatever shit Marie France promotes that matters, its the weight, the number on the scale. 65kg or i'll end up a light-out in athletics AGAIN.

I'm not self-conscious and i dont admire my own body in reflections or mirrors like some do. I just dont wanna end up like................................................................................................

.....................

......................

......................

"FOOORRKK!! NOT the FAT BASTARD!!!"

Jinny

I'm a muther bumming next-to-trash bummer who weighs a muther bumming 71 kg.

Thats right, 71kg, today i pulled off something no overweight kid would ever have the balls to do. No, make it 2 things. First, i stepped onto a weighing scale and discovered myself being probably 6kg overweight. Secondly, i condemned myself to a low-carbo diet until i reach my 65kg mark. And now being the holiday season, i really wish i could take all my words back. Dammit!

It all started yesterday during training, i had my 100m time-trial. For the first attempt i clocked a balls-dropping 12.0s. Couldnt quite believe it so i decided to give it another go. On the second attempt i got a 11.8s time. Not only that, i got teased for being too heavy, overweight and a suggestion for a low-carbo diet. Now my kinda diet is not the starvation, bulimic kind. Neither is it the old bastard Atkin's diet kinda thing. My kinda diet, is eat eat eat and exercise exercise exercise. Not because its effective, but so that i dont have to lay off all the wonderful food that i would die for. Well of course the word "low-carbo" is there for a reason.

I started my 5km jog sessions yesterday with Wesley. Except the 5km we ran felt like PJ to HatYai. With all the uphills and old aunties and uncles envious of how energetic and robust we are. 5km couldnt get any tougher. Sis had her b'day party yesterday, and after all the chit-chat till the wee hours of the morning with her group of faggers and alcoholic drinking gits, they made a spontaneous decision to drive off to Penang for heck knows why. As for me, i was asleep when it all happened but grandma broke off the dumb news to me this morning. Sigh, kids with Malaysian cars. Err, i mean, Malaysian kids with cars. sighh.

Help me get a life. Someone?

Jinny

Unfortunately for me, the OU outing today was a mess. I dont know, it just is.

This post specially presents to you The Art of Flirting as seen from the eye.

For Guys:

• First things first, have confidence. If you've got too much of it, you're a cassanova.
• Before starting, check yourself, hair, eyes, ears, nose, mouth, that you still have your limbs attached and everything else in place. Stare at a mirror and admire yourself till your hearts delight.
• Think of topics before you meet the flirtee. Write it down in a flash card if nessecary. Or else, put on your trademark cute face and puppy dog eyes. Actions DO speak louder than words.
• Playfully take whatever accessories that can be removed from a flirtee and put it on your own silly self. Eg. Caps, hair clips, hair bands, sunglasses, whatever shit girls are willing to remove to make you happy. Remember, the main thing is to grab as much attention from flirtee as possible, therefore, super-cute face still applies.
• Jokingly praise yourself although in your heart you really really mean it. Eg. Girl:"OMG! Daniel Radcliffe is HOT!" , Guy:"Oh, ya ya. Like me! hehehehehehe!" Even though you really aren't, the flirtee will either sarcastically deny, or try their best to not bruise your ego and agree with you, most of the time they'll be lying through their teeths.
• Intentionally nudge or bump or bang yourself into flirtee while walking and make it seem accidental. This will not fail to grab flirtee's attention.
• Try your best to exaggerate every little thing that comes into your mind.
• Play betting or dares with flirtee to keep connection going. Eg. "I dare you to go up to that guy and tell him he's hot." or "Eh, you owe me lunch!!" bla bla bla.
• Then again, super-cute manja-ed face applies at all times. And sometimes excessive playful chants of flirtee's name may work.
• Guys, dont be obssesive attention-seekers, be thankful and not overly thankful with what you have, NO man is God's gift to women unless they claim they're one. And to those who are attached, be fucking loyal dammit!!

For Girls:

• If you have every part of your body in the right place, curvacious everywhere and a pretty face, Flirting for you is like a waste of talent.

I'm just doing this post because i want to. And everyone out there should know whatever you're dealing with, right up to the obsessive and sometimes disgusting thing called Flirting. Some of you may think i'm listing this out because i'm romantically impaired or because i'm single and jealous. Well, i guess you're right. Anything works for me. :)

But deep down inside of me, i wonder.

When will i ever have an opportunity to flirt with her!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jinny

"What the effff?????!!!!! This is my room?!?!?"

The first thought that ran through my mind once i pulled my feet up the flight of stairs. Honestly, after the whole 10 days, i cant even picture how my own room looks like. I looked into my room and i said to myself, damn, this shit is heaven. The thick aroma of Pinewood, my study table being all spick and span. 10 days and i forgotten all about my own room.

Haven't i wrote here before, something about time flies so fast it scares me. Well, my 4th and final year of intensive training in Cameron Highlands has finally reached its end. Looking back, its quite hard to believe 4 years just passed like that *snaps fingers*. The same bungalow with doors painted a pale bluish green with mahjong tables arranged on the front porch and the rooms and the kitchen, my favourite place to be, and the huge multi-purpose field with the 1 km radius. Everything's been like that since 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005. Apart from the new heater and gas stoves of course.

Tanah Rata is the place, a small business town in the middle of Brinchang and Ringlet. A stretch of gravel road from our bungalow to the field we train in is more or less the whole size of the place. Moving about is relatively safe, although sometimes a few mat rempits might wanna satisfy their sexual fantasies but lack the fund in hiring a hardcore whore, so they whistle and eye you, especially if you're the creation called FEMALE.

I wouldn't know whether we're just plain pests or if we were meant to learn something out-of-the-ordinary but me, ming, jordan, jamie and nik and a few other Selangor athletes were placed under another coach, Wak. His workouts are like kacang putih compared to sir's but to think of it, it should be, he's a technique specialist, so we basicly saw it coming, drills drills drills, weights weights weights, mostly stuff that dont require much brawns but brains. We were then back traning with sir after Wak left without notice with the S'gor team. Oh well, lets just say we wanted Wak back but in a way, relieved to be back training like how we're meant to be. We dont call Makhamah Hill "The Mother of All Hills" for no reason.

Working wise, i've been working my ass off in the kitchen and everywhere, ironically, i dont do any housework at home. But when i'm there or anywhere else, especially in the kitchen, i work like cinderella. Its like i need to work to live. Washing stuff to frying fish, as long as i'm having fun eh!? Much better than lazing around and acting like a huge sloth.

After the past 10 days, I do feel much stronger than before. So much stronger. But at the same time, i've added a few badges of honour to my already decorated body. Sandflies!!! To all those who dont know me, i'm allergic to insect bites. Yes, a mosquito bite on my skin has the potential to be a permanent scar. What more sandflies? These buggers are the small dots that fly around anonymously. Seriously, its like they have moods or something, sometimes they're here, and sometimes they're not. And the agony comes after they bite and get really really red inflamation bumps on your skin. That is for people like me with sensitive skin. It hurts, it itches, it gets bigger everyday and it takes centuries to heal! My body looks like a dairy cow with red spots. Fuck!

Deep inside i know i have loads more to write, stuff that's been playing in my head maybe since day 1 and during those times when i wish i had a computer to blog but unfortunately i dont. Then again, some just goes back into hiding and some, well, better left unsaid. We'll see.

The thing is, i'm back, with 4 limbs, one head and erm, every little part of my body intact. And if you see me topless (ONLY topless) you'd think i came back from a 10 day vacation to a bee farm. Damn i feel so GATAL!!!!

Jinny

Pure assets and fame alone doesnt make you a good leader!

Tomorrow, me and the athletics team are leaving for Cameron Highlands for an intensive training course. So today was the last day we're all packing equipments for a whole 10 days.

As we sweat our balls off trying to stuff equipments and kitchen utensils into boxes, trying to minimize space in case we dont end up overpacking. And as we're all drenched in sweat making sure everything's packed prim and proper, our dear Mr."Hebat" Captain is busy with other much more "important" stuff. Well, lets see, erm, flirting, fooling around, chit-chatting, cycling! Anything else but anything productive.

Oh, just because he sits facing all of us during meetings. I guess there's no need to do any packing eh? All you have to do is make sure you have as much fun and pretend to get pissed once in awhile so people can quite tell you're quite serious, and take full responsibility when people question about the captaincy, and most importantly, make sure everyone still loves you! eh? :) *disgusted smirk*

Sigh, i'm not complaining any further, as long as i'm doing my job and i very much complete it.

You aint the real complete and perfect people percieve you to be. Okay Jinn, shut up.

Stand back! Let me count my blessings.

I know my dear maid is kinda stunted, her inability to reach for the air-cond remote up on my bed is a huge disadvantage for me, so the only way to switch my air-cond on is through myself. Aware of the freaking humidity of M'sia, i turned the air-cond on before i left for dinner in OU today.

Vietnamese kitchen do serve good food i tell ya. I had the pan seafood hor fun and we ordered this rice skin to wrap our food it in. Like popiah lah! Anyway, that's not the point. When i came back, i could smell the pungent scent of melted plastic from the bottom of my stairs. So i went up and noticed that my room smells heavily of it. At first i thought it was the damn revolving colourful light someone gave to me for my b'day. I lifted it up, sniffed the top, the bottom, the sides, the wire but guess it just wasn't it although it too smells like shit.

Then i noticed my air-cond not switched on. I thought maybe my maid lah, always ask her to switch on, maybe today she really wanna switch on but dont know that its already on so she switch off instead. Then to my horror, i saw the magnetic starter, you know, the small box where you have the green and red buttons. It was burned at the top, being stupid me, i sniffed it so close i swear i couldve just puked. The plastic melted, the black wire became black and the curtain ALMOST caught fire.

Just now i might've NOT have a house to come home to, or at least a room to sleep in, but now, i dont have my air-cond!!!!!!!! SHIT!!

Look at how close the stupid box is to the curtains. Phew man! I tell you! Phew!

Jinny

The perfectionist bug bit me!! Again.

Those who explored my room that night, *cough* emelia, *cough* avril, *cough* ti ming, and eric. Ah, who cares?! I'm sure you've all seen the mess on my table, though im sure the bed spread's the cleanest thing in my room now despite the horrible smell. Being me, i just feel hurt seeing the mess on my table, presents given to me, all strewn across. So...

Yeap you guessed it! Another BIG room clearout.

Before:

Boxes, cards, half opened Kinder Buenos, my Lost Season 1 DVD, mp3 player and box, chains, my pendant, bottles, frames, pencil box, my test papers, now those made me wanna burn stuff.

*BIG CLEAROUT IN PROGRESS*

After:

There you have it, another new look for the table, vrillie's 2 birthday presents plus the Jean Paul Gaultier soap stands proud on my table and the Kinder Bueno's still there! Haha.

I took this huge rounded leather box from mum to replace the small plastic box i used to have. This is where i keep all my personal items, a.k.a treasure chest. From tickets to world-class venues, to airline boarding passes, to brochures of famous places, to personal letters and messages from dear friends, and pen-pals, and of course, every single birthday card i've ever recieved. See the most recents ones on top of the stack? :)

"Daymn I LOOOOOVVVEEEE myself today!!"

Jinny

Wow, now's the 12th of November, its been a long 2 days and i still feel like i'm on a cloud.

See, the effects of all your hard and busy planning, Avril, you've not only achieved your target, but you've managed to prolong it as well. You SHOULD feel satisfied!

Alright, i've been thinking about this life and the people i'm blessed with and through that, i managed to think of something about me that may or may not offend others, well it depends on how you wanna spice the simple statement up, that's your shit. But as long as i'm here, i can tell you that "i'm much closer to females than i am to males". Dont get me wrong. I'm not claiming myself to be god's gift to women or whatever shit that rhymes with that. I'm just proving that i share more stuff with people of the opposite sex than i do to people my gender, my guyfriends.

Now i cant really explain why, but i'm sure i'm not the only one around who's experiencing the same thing. Some guys just feel comfortable with girls, not in a flirty way, but in an aspect that you so happen to feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and you feel you connect better with them compared to people your gender. But girls are a different story, if they dont have life-companions, they share their lives, their secrets, gossips, all to their girlfriends. So well, i dont know how you actually say it, but i can assure you its not anything being "more in touch to my feminine side".

Obviously you dont get shy when you're in your group of guys, most guys take that into account. When they feel like they're in The Group, they do all kinds of shit stuff, stuff they'd probably wont do in front of females. Superior ones would always pull the rest down so they'd be on top, sometimes to the extend of embaressing others. Well thats normal isn't it? Not my cuppa tea.

What i'm really trying to tell you is the fact that i'm much closer to people like chucs, vrillie, xr, cheng, jo, emelia, julie than any other guy out there! John's an exception. :)

I dont talk about love to any other guy like i talk about it to Jo, I dont talk about my problems, rant all i want, talk about slitting my wrists to anyone as much as i talk to vrillie. Chucs and xr, we're inseperable, although you may find us insulting each other quite alot now and then, everyone knows, carik-carik bulu ayam, akhirnya bercantum juga. I dont show faces and dance, or act like a terrorist teletubby on the webcam like i do to chengo. I dont crap around and respond with an "errrrr" all the time whenever i talk to anyone else but emelia. I dont talk about Lost, and Emily Browning, and shoulders, and that french chick who acts as Fleur Delacour to anyone else but julie. And much to the horror of the people who are already offended but still reading. The list goes ON and ON.

I know some of you may be quite sick of me writing sappy stuff about how i love these friends and what they've done for me and feeling betrayed or unfairness and all that. Well, stop reading, grab a travel bag, start puking, oh and continue reading. :)

My final praise goes to my drums teacher Mr. Ashwin for teaching me some Smashing Pumpkins beats and the Wake Me Up When September Ends beat. Good golly. Guess i'll be learning whatever beats i like now since November is my last month with him. I'm quitting the amcorp classes and he's going off to NY. Cheers to ya! At least i lied to the money-faced boss of Amcorp Mahogany that i'm shifting off to Kota Kemuning and commuting to amcorp would be impossible. Such joy, seeing him say a reluctant "okay" with the eyebrows so low you could hang your coat. That's one customer out and RM120 a month poorer! Suck that!

I've been wanting to post pictures of the cards and THAT present i recieved from xr and sarny but i'm too lazy to do anything. I wish i wasn't so lazy. Damn tiu la.

Jinny.

The surprise party that was kept secret for so long, and i was left in the dark about it. Damn these guys are good!
Eric trying to reach for my tits, Sarny pulling my ears, XR pinching my nose. It hurt reaall bad!

Vrillie, the ultimate planner, food caterer, ultimate everything! Wonderful friend! muax!
Jun Wei insisted i delete this pic beacause she claims she doesnt look nice. Girls and cameras!

Emeliaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to chuck a spoonful of green chillis into my mouth for this! Right right? :)Chucchy!! Pet pet sister!! You're all unlucky to NOT have her as your pet pet sister!
Tera Jie Jie, Sexpert, Jo Jo ah Jo Jo, you name it, she's got it. hah!
Jin sister, you insisted for this dincha??... hehe..
Ye all behold the Mighty Chucchy, Ruler of the Guinea Pigs and Mother of the Throne. *Bows* Dont show that sour face la!
Chengy, Chengo, Chengers, Yee Cheng, Ooompa Loompa, whatever it is, yew da bomp!Eh! You're supposed to present a serene meditating looking face!! Disobedient child! heh :)

My two jie jies, xr and chucchy, nah, xr, you got your brat in the middle! happy anot?!

Dei!! Sanjay Velan joe, damn bollywood weyy. Anyway, we had to pose like that la, wanna show everyone who you're messing with at the back of the bus.Johnnie Warnie, thanks for turning up and going back late! Your presence is well appreciated! Haha.

Chucchy and Johnny, in my opinion, chuccy's my dawn, johnny's my dusk, very very very important in my life. Love you both! :)

I could never thank you guys enough. Not in a year, not in a century, not in a million gazillion years. Not ever.

Last year, i remembered posting something on my birthday citing it as the happiest day of my life, and well, it just keeps getting better year by year.

On the 9th of November, Eric was kind enough to offer an outing to OU the next day. Of course, being me as such a bad planner and with no plans at all, i totally agreed to go. Somehow i was talking to Ben and he asked me whether i was gonna have a party, you know, sweet 16 and stuff, i felt that it was a little too late for a party but with a little bit of an iron nerve, i asked mum whether i could have a barbeque. She convinced me she might not be free and a barbeque is alot of a hassle considering she might not be around. But didn't rule out a possibility and assuring me i will have my barbeque as planned by me maybe in the weekends. Oh well, better late than never yeah. Though i found it quite irritating having mum constantly asking me whether i had training in the evenings or am i going anywhere during then.

10 November, 12 am, messages and smses started flooding in though i tried my very best to reply each and every one of them. Tried asking chucs about whether she could make it for the movie with me and Eric and in return got turned down. Said she was busy, she left me wondering why everyone was so busy. Sis came in, left 20 ringgit on my table and wished me, then dad came up to me, hugged me and placed a black box and a card on my table, first look, i could only see the CREATIVE in white at the side of the box, as i lifted the card, i saw more than i could wish for, a Creative MuVo mp3 player coated in black. Either dad took a wild guess, or he's been reading my blogs realising i've been longing for an mp3 player ever since, whatever it is, i'm thankful to him. Read a few blogs and flopped into bed anticipating my movie outing with Eric and JoLin.

10 November, 8.45 am, training, training, training, got a 400m parlauf and 150m x 5 from sir as a birthday present. Though not too thankful for it. Coming back, i noticed grandma made her red syrup jelly and i found a tub of chicken wings in the fridge, i had a brief idea that most probably my family must've planned a party and invited all my relatives, i was hoping it was true.

10 November, 1.30 pm, i kept wondering what was keeping everyone so busy, being my birthday, sis made the once-in-awhile kind chaffeur and ferried me to OU, met up with Jo and Eric, Jubs and Mechell were there too. Earlier on, i had told Jo to go get Exorcism of Emily Rose tickets although i was quite worried about not being able to pass the cinema bouncers being underaged. Prayed it all goes well, and in the end, it did go well, note people, GSC OU bouncers are either looking for cheap money, blind, or they dont give a shit about whatever show you're watching. Which means we could all watch 18 PL shows without the need to get involved in a cat and mouse game.

10 November, During the show, i had my hands up to my face, both eyes peering in between my index and middle finger, ready to shut when something pops up on the screen with the boomest of boom sounds. Nudging Jo and Eric everytime some stupid Caucasians would go investigate whatever noises they hear and scaring the shit outta them everytime they do that! I must say the "Based on a true story" quote was somewhat disturbing.

10 November, After the show, Jo, Mechell and Jubs left for home and me and Eric, if you've seen us and cant hear what we're talking about, you'd think we're gay. We walked the whole top floor of the mall for a total 7 times, he'd be refusing to go bowling and i would be refusing to walk into FOS, his favourite. We bought eye-sheets (i dont know how you actually call it), those stuff where you wear on your eyes when you want a good night's sleep, yea that one, for Xin Yi as his birthday present. Then for some uncanny reason, Eric chose YIPPEE CUP as our place of dining, they have this table order thing where you press the buttons and waiters will attend to you, strict rules, you cant raise your hand or do anything to attract the waiter's attention but press the button. Eric had Lamb Chop and his mocha and i had my Fried Calamari and mango juice, all paid for. :) Once again, if you've seen us and not hear what we're talking about, you'd think we're gays. And to add to that, we got countless disturbing looks. Somewhere home, a group of ants were working their asses off.

10 November, On the way home, i offered Eric a ride home since he played the poor sheep with no transport, sis was once again the kind chaffeur and picked us up, Simon was in the car and from what i noticed, he was wearing shorts, which means sis is either sending him home, or sending him back to our home. Stuck in a minor traffic jam, sis typed a message on her cell, i wild guessed that she informed mum that she was stuck in a traffic jam and we might be a little late for dinner. As we neared KDU on the LDP, i told sis to go straight on to Kelana Jaya to send Eric home, unnaturally, and being a crazy fearless driver, she demurely said she couldn't drive in the heavy rain and asked Eric to go back to our house for dinner, then she'll send him home. And with Eric, quietly agreeing, my suspision arose like a termometer in boiling waters.

10 November, as we neared our house, in the mess of the heavy rain splattered across the windscreen, i could vaguely make out what seem to be mum's car parked outside, now mum wouldn't park her car outside unless there's a function involving tables spread across my front porch. And with the porch, gate and practically every light turned on, i told myself in my mind that this might not be just a small kitchen party i expected it to be. The gate opened, and the first thing i saw, was Mak Heong Weng scurrying inside my living room, "Mak???!! What's he doing there?!?" And then i noticed this banner decorated with green fonts that read "HAPPY BIRTHDAY JINN(with extra sequins and glitter on JINN)" hanging above my front door. Looking at Eric, he gave me a faint smile, the kind on the side of his face. My adrenaline started pumping, i broke into a sweat, this is my first ever Surprise Party.

I was screaming like a baby in the car, hands over my face, refusing to step out of the car. Mum greeted us and my maid played the butler holding the umbrella over my head. I saw the table filled with food on the spot where mum always parked her car. Close to tears, i peeped into the living room and found no one, not even Mak, then noticing the mirror cabinet where we keep our Swavrovski crystals and plaques, i saw this huge group of people standing on their toes just beside the piano, anxiously waiting for me to step in, not knowing i was actually watching them through the mirror. "I can see all of you through the mirror la!" Laughter broke and i got the surprise of my life. Chucs started spraying me with all those party ribbons, messing my shirt up, and then my face, if my memory is right, i just stood rooted to the spot, stunned, whatever way you might put for being unable to move nor say a word. Mak, Cheng, Ee Jin, Chucs, XR, Avril, Ti Ming, Emelia, Li Ying, all standing in front of me, yelling Happy Birthday. I turned to mum and i told her "You never told me anything about this!! Nothing!!", I ran up to my room and mum came, asked me to go take a bath first while Eric was bugging me for a t-shirt. Mum told me "Everything was planned long ago before we went to China", i looked at Eric and attacked him with interogations. It was then i found out, every little thing was pre-planned, the outing, Eric, the "busy" excuses, Emelia telling me she had to "balik kampung". Planned long before i could think of.

The food was catered, specially catered by Avril's dad and i couldn't be more thankful, and Vril, tell your dad the food's fantastic, i just had it for lunch again just now and it was superb. Arvin, Jun Wei, Joanne, SueZan, Sanjay, Sarny, John, JoLin, JeanYi and Mechell joined us later on. I recieved many presents, but the biggest and the best, was given by everyone and it was the surprise party, honestly, i could never ever had asked for anything more than that. Thanks to every single one of YOU!

Special thanks to: Avril
Avril, you've been fantastic, you've been the planner(where did you get my sister's number?!?!?!??!), you made the banner, you've always listened to my rantings of the people i despise (hehe, right? right?), you've been a wonderful friend and still is, you totally made my day yesterday and i'm sure not only yesterday but yesterday was abit more la.. hehe.. I'm glad you share your problems with me, trust me, made me feel so very special. This maybe short compared to what you've written about me, but to tell you the truth, i dont have to write long essays for you to know that i'm thankful and i truly care. These words are meant for you, me and every jinnyboyy.blogspot.com reader to read and know, but you yourself know, that it has always been, more than just words. Thanks and lots of love. -Jinny

Chucchy, pet pet sister, chucolate, chucs, whatever your name is, you're always the same warm, sarcastic, caring pet pet sister i've ever known. You played a part in changing me front sitting bus nerd to a back-of-the-bus havoc. We've both grown so much since then. haha. I believe in our walks of life, we'll find our very own angels who will guide us and be with us all the time, and i guess i've already found one of them. You. :) Love. -Jinny

XR, you've been like an elder sister to me most of the time, guiding me, insulting me, calling me a brat, scolding me, why should i thank you? haha, because in the midst of all the things we've done, we have shared gallons and gallons of laughters, fun, everything little satisfying thing we could think of. Honestly, you and chucs have always been my guardian angels. And let me thank you for that! :) Love. -Jinny

Ee Jin, Jin sister, i hope you like your present, i certainly like mine, we've known each other for quite awhile now, and you too, are like a sister to me, we're always sharing the laughs and at times you would give me abit of fashion tips which i hardly follow. But oh dont worry, it aint just the fashion tips that matters, its you, and whatever you've done for me or we've done. Thanks Jin! Love. -Jinny

Emelia, i found your card just before i went to bed, i hope you beared with the smelly pillows when you stuck your hand in between them to hide your card, you must've been real brave. We've known each other for some time, and ever since, you are like the generator machine of lame-ness and amusement. You talk alot of crap online and also on the line, and well, i cant deny it but me too. I love the morning jog ideas and although we've only done it once, i want to go again. And i cant thank you enough for everything you've done for me, including the Bravo Two Zero. This whole paragragh about you, is only 1/10000000000 of what you really are, MAGNIFICENT. Love. -Jinny

Chengo, dia ni dewi malaikat, tapi dalam drama acting saje. haha. Hey chengs, i will keep the coupon safe in my treasure chest and i will redeem it when i really really need it most. That time, i wish you have more coupons to give away and only to me! :) You're unbelievable! Love. -Jinny

Eric, fuck off, you made us look like gay asses when you juat HAD to choose YIPPEE CUP. But thanks for paying for it. NO Love. -Jinny

John, whatever you wrote about me in your blog, i just wanna ditto back to you. You're no worse than what you wrote about me, only better. And i thank you for being you. Love. -Jinny

To everyone else, thank you all for everything, from keeping the surprise party a secret to making your presence felt at the party or in my life. Ti Ming and Joanne, thanks for the banner, to those who gave me presents but never write their identities down, i thank you, and to everyone in my life who matters most. THANK YOU! And i love you all. :)

Now i can proudly and whole-heartedly say, I HAD THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE ON THE 10TH OF NOVEMBER 2005.

Msn space is being a bitch today, i'm here halfway uploading my Shanghai pics and it just closes and tells me my webpage is unavailable. Go to hell.

Well tonight, i'm feeling dead as ever. Dont ask me why. Dont question me. Dont say anything. Dont give a shit. It's just... life.

Most of the time you cant always get the life that you're endlessly dreaming of. As for me, i dont have much expectations on life, just a perfect soul.

Hate,
Jinny

Time flies so damn fast, it literally scares me. Exactly a week ago, i was walking along the Suzhou streets, gazing into pubs and nightclubs, patiently waiting for the others to finish parading their new 200 yuan Nikes and Adidas' while having weird chinamen come up to me asking me whether i'd wanna watch girls dance, which if i would've gladly accepted, lead me to a bedroom with FOC condoms.

Well just a day after arriving, i swore to myself that i'll never visit China anymore in the near future. Though i dont remember much about Beijing 5 years ago, i'm suggesting they're all the same. Chinamen yelling into their cellphones, cutting queues in Kedi (China's 7/11), pushing and shoving around when they feel like, 4 star hotels charging 4 RMBs for dirty towels stained with Coke and another 10 RMBs for taking off with their laundry bag. And the drivers, oh the drivers, we all thought Malaysian drivers were pigs on flying brooms, but chinamen, they put Malaysian drivers into so much shame, we'd sell all our cars away. They swerve lanes like Daytona, honk whenever they feel like as though in a wedding procession, and an accidental dent on your car and you get yourself into a brawl involving traffic polices, bystanders and occassionally, elderly citizens who cant keep their asses off other people's business. But then again, Malaysian drivers are still like pigs on flying brooms.

Being around late-autumn, i was clad in my jumpsuit almost the whole trip through. The wind wasn't enough to cause brain-freeze but at times, things can get really chilly. Their time-zone is exactly like back here, except by right, it should've been 2 hours ahead. The sun sets at around 4.30pm and by 6, things get pitch black. But of course, on the other end of it all, the sun rises at 5.30am, so to us lazy Malaysians, we get less sleep than back home.

I can shamelessly say that i've spent more on souvenirs than i did on myself. Although i dont know where my extra 100 RMBs went. I bought myself the whole season 1 of Lost there for 56 RMBs and even though i doubt the DVDs are original, i finished it today and the resolution wasn't at all different than whatever i've downloaded, so i guess it was a good buy. Apart from that, a headlamp for 55 RMBs and a Nike utility bag for 80 RMBs (thanks to mum's bargaining skills) which i didn't even pay for. The rest are all just sweets sweets sweets and more sweets, maybe a couple of other stuff, chopsticks and all.

Despite getting the first row seats, the 777 wasnt at all comfortable. To and fro. The seats were narrow and to have your tray, screen, headphones, remote, pillow and blanket all out at the same time, you wouldnt even have enough space to adjust yourself on your seat. The good thing is, you get to stretch your legs. En route to Shanghai, i had The Longest Yard on my screen while savouring my cream chicken. I went on to play some "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and chess before knocking out at around 4.30 am while still somewhere above Phnom Phenh. On the way home, it was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and szechuan chicken. I admit i was abit jittery before the flight, worrying about "what if(s)", what if we ran 1000 miles off course and crash into a mysterious island with mysterious creatures, and the rescue are searching for us in the wrong place? Thoughts like that, running through my head, when we take off, when we hit turbulence, when the plane suffers a sudden drop and your heart just falls to the floor. What if? What if? What if? TOO MUCH LOST!

At the end of the day, i think back on the last seven days and think to myself, was it worth it planting myself with negative thoughts at the start of it all and not really enjoying myself to the fullest? But i guess it was a great experience, cubicles lined along a drain which they so proudly call the toilet, urinal basins placed in places where people walking outside can watch you pee, the people, the con-men nature of the people, the good food, even better scenary, the conjob land where our ancestors once called home. China.

And today, i have an ulcer happily expanding on my tongue. I finished Lost season 1, and dad's got his new car. I'll try uploading my pictures of China and posting the url as soon as i possibly can. So there.

Love,
Jinny