Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Baby, those crushing forearms are all yours

"Here we are, this is bouldering haven."

Finally, finally, climbed outdoors. In ipoh, lost world of tambun to be exact. The land with abundance of limestone caverns and towering walls of solid sharp jagged rock.

Drove down early saturday before dawn as to maximise climbing time. The foursome. Me, brad, chikhan and jordan. Joined by noel, and the 2 austrians marianne and johannes. Them in their bangvan, we in suzy.

Proceeded to be slightly high on (suspectedly)magic mushrooms somewhere between slim river and kampar. Because chikhan apparently stuck his ass out of the rear window everytime he had the urge to fart. Attempted to fart outside with the travelling wind but instead the stench will somehow leech back into the car.

There's a place in ipoh called simee, which reminds me of the portugese football player simao.

Okay random. The dimsum there's pricey as well.

So then we had many pictures taken. Plenty of topless ones.

Testing the aerodynamics of jordan's new la sportiva katanas.

Educating marianne and johannes about siewmais, cheecheongfuns and hakaus.


Raring to climb.

The lost world of tambun. Magnificent landscape.*Ran out of captions*

The Climbing Foursome

Us in bouldering action.

Okay so i jammed the stupid picture loader. I seemed to have hit the picture-uploading brickwall again.

I'll have more pictures up when i feel like it.

After all the climbing, jordan, chikhan and i were to slide about the water park like bloody pre-adolescent kids while the rest retired back to their shabby, sleazy deluxe hotel room.

They proceeded to lead-climb the next day which left us battered hope of learning how to lead. The 3 of us set for home sweet home on the day we arrived instead and after chikhan managed to tear up his pants on the water slide. I think they both got their balls hard-boiled in the hot springs as well.

So much for another climbing post.

Jinny

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Baby, you like random and i'm good at random

"I feel like i'll pop someone in the head."

My last post failed to garner a constructive critism from that anonymous friend of mine. It was a reminder instead. A harsh one. To open my eyes and observe my own flaws and impurities before taking the further step.

Then again, there'll be some others who just love to hate. I dont know. I'm incapable of being the verdict as to whether the comment was more of a subtle personal attack or genuine word of advice. Choice of words can reflect many opinions.

But then again, I don't realise where i've gone wrong if nothing's being said.

Oh wells.

This is usually the part where i start pondering about the future, my future. How insecure and uncharted it seems. How i might be squandering chances into universities and having a hellish life at the end of the day. With a future next to none, i'd die depressed, delirious, possibly before i hit my mid-life crisis.

I'm slowly rectifying my problems, fixing myself and going back to organizing my own life, having things planned out for myself although i'm somewhat an illiterate in laying out plans. Not at my desired pace, and definately not at a pace to grant myself a peaceful, successful future. But i try, am trying.

Sometimes i'd like to think of myself as a late-bloomer.

Right now i'm stalled at my physics notes. Time to flick on the hazard lights and roam back on track. Only after i get my sleep.

Gosh, I hate myself for procrastinating.

Jinny

Friday, July 20, 2007

Hold on tightly, let go lightly

"Baby, if you look like death, then i'm necrophilic."

(Only because its on the top of my head right now.)

Was feeling really gutted all the way in college today because some bloody things just stay in your ass. All the pent-up frustration. Had my fist clenched. And muscles tightening. That wanting feeling to punch someone random.

One of these days. When my stomach does cockscrews and mind unleashes an impulse of rapid anger movement. I will wreck destruction, and condemn myself to more intense pressure and hatred towards. But at least i think i'll get my satisfaction.

Coming home, i get online and see myself to more of those 'insignificant' feelings. The brainchild of my constant paranoia. But feeling what my mind and body tells me to feel, dispells the notion of being paranoid. Paranoia stems from assumption, but when everything's in real-time and happening, there's no need for assuming.

Some certain people loathe me for doing something they assume i did. Or that i'm not suffering in the same moat as they are. Something i'd accomplished from my own (whateversleft) courage and self-confidence to pick myself up from a ravine and campus my way up to the top again. I've done my part to patch and be normal. Bless you, but what is it about me that you're against again?

I'd go on. If not for to save readers from another barrage of self-explainatory ranting and assaults on you, you, and more you(s).

Made the attempt to escape and unwind after break today by skipping LAN and chemistry with baby to toy with the manuals of her peugeot. Zoomed down to batu caves, to the kl city center, to utama, to ampang, and kepong and along the federal highway and other speed-prone freeways around. And thankfully made it back on time for biology. Destressed with aimless driving and accelerated euphoria.

Okay, its lovely bones time.

And you know how i look forward to our fridays and weekends. Its about time i pit my skills against ikea furniture(if the ikea workguy doesn't beat me to it) and mass packing. I'm helping you, your mum, cass, ah girl, ah boy move houses and i dont care. Heh.

Jinny

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Speak now or forever hold your peace in pieces

Yehaa. A climbing trip. One to climb topless and show off my newly reformed abs. Coming soon to you.

As for now, i feel like reading my lovely bones. Or fantasise on 'what if' our football team had beaten iran. Or complain to my mother how my ankle is in excruciating pain.

Oh fuck, i totally forgot about my ankle. How to climb trad rock?

Fuck la.

I cant join the adidas run or pj half marathon or subang jaya run.

Fuck la.

Back to where i was wondering what i feel like. I'd jump into my suzy, make my way to uncivilization, only to have you entirely in my hulking pumped-up arms.

:)

Jinny

Monday, July 16, 2007

They gave us 2 shots to the back of the head, and we're all dead now

Yes and no. My mind refuses to aknowledge the idea of my long lost dog possibly buried under mounds of human excretion somewhere in a rural dumpsite. But my intuition is convinced that he's dead. Or he could still be roaming the streets, sniffing feet for a meal, or living the life of luxury we could have never afforded for him. Its simple, if he comes back, he comes back. If he doesn't, i wish him well.

Nobody seems to give a rat's ass about his disappearance anymore. However my maid's still living in denial and occasionally pretends to herself that my dog's still prancing about at the porch.

For someone who bathes and feeds the dog all the time. She took his hiatus the hardest.

I'm gutted from ranting about my retarded dog.

My dad went on an electronic gadget spree recently. I have a videocam which i already conveniently took saucy clips with, and an 8.1 megapixel camera and i hardly even know how to take angled shots. I've always been an illiterate in bloody electronic gadgets. Not very dope for me.

But i got through a few nice(in my humble opinion) shots.

Had an impromptu crab dinner with bren and her family(including extended) yesterday.

Apparently i've never done that in my life. Milestone!

"One day, the sun fell into the sea and created a big tsunami. OMG the tsunami destroyed the make-up factory and OMG the world has never seen my 2 sisters without their cover up." -edited from a story typed by Cassie on her 2 sisters

Jinny

Monday, July 09, 2007

Go chase yourself

She's so high. High above me. She's so lovely.

Jinny

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Dont forget to breathe tonight

"You'd get wrinkles if you smile so much; Baby, those who hardly smile dont live long enough to even see their own wrinkles."

I've heard optimists say that as long as you only immerse yourself with thoughts and visualizations of your wants in life and dont anticipate the outcome, your universe will find ways to mould to accomodate you. Or was it the law of metaphysics?

At times i cant help but knock myself and wonder. How'd you move along with the flak and scrutiny that you've most willingly recieved? Maybe its your tongue that's living the knive's edge, you're controlling as much as your conscience can tell, but how long more before you really pierce a heart, or break a spirit with words like your mother warned you?

You always seem to assume superiority upon your own image. Maybe ego-stricken and arrogant to some. Wary of what other's think about you and of your purpoted infidelity. Again to some, you're maybe potrayed as slightly materialistic, constantly flanked by the opposite sex, a womaniser. But deep down inside, you know better that when you've found that someone, its the only person you want.

Now that you've extinguished old embers to ignite a new flame, you're basking in a whirlwind of love. You hope this euphoria doesn't fizzle anytime soon, but your experience tells of otherwise. You know after these initial stages, commitment, something you've never been afraid of, overrides everything else. You want to give everything, but your battle scars are a vague reminder that your other half might not share the similiar prospects of your relationship. "Its never a bed of roses", but everyone can see so clear, you want it, and you're ready. For her.

You know better that optimism can only bring you thus far. You've been more of an opportunist in your lifetime. You've had your (pussy)suicide attempts, carressing your skin with surgical blades. A streak of great depression decorates your portfolio. Many a times you celebrate life and its splendours only to allow others to bring you down. People say you're somewhat melodramatic and can never see the sunny side up in things, which i personally think is too honest of others. Once or twice you still get bouts of 'below-neutral' sensations, but you're coping rather well now, so well you tend to laugh (some) of your worries away.

You can be proud of the fact that you're trying to be an impact in her life in everyway possible so you could support and mould her into a better person than she already is. With every good intention. I hope she's proud of you too. This is just about one thing about you that no one really knows of, you want to make an impression in the lives of others, because its probably the only thing you'll feel accomplished for.

That's why you know you love her.

Oh, and Jinn, let love and hate shower you. You need a good balance anyway.

Jinny

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Bury me in all my favourite colours

I carefully stuck a post-it on my semester fee invoice reminding mum to issue a cheque only for her to ignore in the morning. She conveniently left it in the middle of the room for dad to walk into it. And i came back from college today to see my purple post-it replaced by a larger yellow one.

'Will review with you when we meet your college this Saturday for the results. The fees can be paid 14 days after 3 July. Hope you can appreciate the opportunity to have a good education.'

Daddy arrr. Taylors parent-teacher day cancelled. Form 6 registration closed already i think. TAR college intake passed long time. You highlighted 'WITHIN 14 DAYS FROM DUE DATE' on the invoice like i have 14 days to choose whether its abdul samad or taman sea for form 6. Fucking hai latt.

And then today i recieved another invoice for the external examination fees and it totalled up to about 1000+ ringgit which i'm not planning to reveal to my parents yet as long as my 2nd semester is not assured.

Mum was an annoyance early this morning. She contributed to the pre-college tulanness.

My family's away in s'pore for my sister's convocation and i could get out. I could gallavant without the need to spray WD40 on the main grills so they wont squeek. I could get out till 4 in the morning and my maid would still be asleep to report anything. I'm surprised, but i think it'll surprise everyone else in my family more if they'd knew i was home all night.

Mum or anyone hasn't called back to check. I wonder if they realise that i'm not actually with them.

My maid confessed to me today that she fancies malaysian rock to indon. Isabellaaa......

One of these days i'll strangle the neighbour's kids.

Baby, you're right. I shouldn't have been defiant and gone climbing today. My left foot swelled up so badly i can hardly squeeze into my shoes. And i think i really need to initiate the keyhole surgery on my left wrist. With my education fund.

I was supposed to sleep at 10 to douse the lonely feeling. I think i'll sleep now.


Good night.

Oh yehaa. Dad just called to check.

Jinny

Monday, July 02, 2007

Baby i'm just soggy from the chemo, i'm counting down the days to go

"Bloody hell, i fucking love it that you're mine." -Jinn

Oscar's so long gone, i feel like i only have a vague recollection of how he looks. The guessing box is open. Dead or alive, it could be either way. If someone's keeping him, i hope they'll love him for the slippers he ravages, the bloody retard he is, and the metal grills and gates his piss corrodes.

Two months and moon cycles on, you're my solace.

For the record, i win the corny warfare. Hands down. Even if you'd never voluntarily conceed.

Whoosah.

Jinny