Blessed with another summon today. Bloody scratched and dented this HUGE long scratch and dent on my car as i squeezed through a narrow passage with utmost confidence. I swear it wasn't me, it was my ego.
Okay, so apart from another trip to the mpsj building, the fitness first wall challenge finals is on this sunday at the curve. Hopefully i'll be knocking the fuck out of others who'd speed climb with me, including you brad. There, my ego's speaking again.
So i didn't fail my maths test, AND (here's the amazing part), i'm spending my time in the library after college. People never knew me for the study-er i am, people never aknowledged that. Maybe because i dont. I claim i do, although sometimes i deny spending time with productive learning, but unlike certain people, when i say i didn't study for that test, or fuck, i didn't study for spm, i really didn't do shit. Point is, i'm
Fuck there isn't a point. Ranted a whole load of bullshit.
I'm in a depressed interval of life again. How do you spill your mind out without making it obvious?
I wont lie and say i didn't miss college through the 2 weeks we've been doing nothing much productive. Well in my case, i thought i'll be able to finish my maths work before i actually get back to college only to find that i remember jackshit about what i've learned.
But we're back tomorrow. Pistons up and running again. My mechanism hasn't readied me for further education yet but i hardly have a choice do i?
Xr was complaining about 2 weeks not being enough. But you ponder, if we had one month, what difference would it make if we'll go about procrastinating? I wait until today to actually brush through my college files and notes after a fortnight, if we had a month, i'll also do the same probably on the day before we return. See the thing is not everyone's like me, which could only solidify the fact that i'm fucked. Like seriously.
Okay on a less fucked note, i finally came across pictures of me and us in college. That day we celebrated our lecturer's birthday and some of us licked cream of the cardboarded base of the cake.
The word is, insignificant. You dont know how fucking hard, how fucking much you wanna throw in the towel. I'm always not good enough. Never, good enough. To you, you and all of you. I'm always a step behind. Jack of all trades, master of none, it rings.
They're right.
You should've raised a baby girl, i COULD'VE been a better son.
Despite being strong enough to clamp my fingers on crimps and small handholds, I started jogging today. Again. Much to the dismay of my unlubricated throat. I managed to maintain composure and keep my lunch firmly at the bottom of my throat while i was gagging and gasping for breath.
I feel herculean.
Sometimes i get so upset about everything I contemplate to..Well basicly i have no balls for anything, there's still so much of life to live out, yet there are equally as much to die for. Literally.
I get so preoccupied with unnecessary thoughts. Stuff that i shouldn't give two fucks about. Yet, stuff that stresses the shit out of me. Why do i care about you?! And what you do. You'll do what you do, and you'll enjoy what you do, and why am i breaking myself because of what you fucking do? You like bohemian, so be it.
I feel myself rolling 3 years back. 3 long fucking years back into the depression.
Singing songs that make you slit your wrists, it isn't that much fun. And if your heart stops beating, i'll be here wondering, did you get what you deserved?
Blessed with another summon today. Bloody scratched and dented this HUGE long scratch and dent on my car as i squeezed through a narrow passage with utmost confidence. I swear it wasn't me, it was my ego. 
