Liang Zhi, i'm a man of my word. This is me in puay chai. So small, so innocent, and gullible and always get bullied by people like shuwen with money and always have to have my ahma see my teacher because i never do my homework and because of students like me and you, the ex-headmistress had big balls to swindle money and hwang lao shi became a pedophile, but i still have so shiny and smooth karipap hair.
So be proud of yourself and post up a picture of a very small, very ugly and very round you.
Dont be angry la. I was ugly kid also.
Once in puay chai, always a sohai. Wo men shi, pei chai de hao shue sen.
Firstly, 4 months on, and i feel like we never really lost grandma.
Maybe there's a way to smoke something and not feel the nausea. Maybe there's a way to exhale some good ol smoke without having an arid smoky aroma stick to you. Maybe there's shisha.
Usually you smoke shisha like an arab. More so like an afghan. The appealing thing about it is the smell, although you can still fucking die the same way if not faster than smoking those little tabacco twigs.
No wonder that caterpillar from alice in wonderland only had one scene.
Haha.
*Chops forehead* you know what its for bren. "Offi....."
Last night me brad and marxha went to rasta to rendezvous with noel and sham for a little drink after climbing. These guys(and girl) might be our new little clique. Noel could be my new shisha partner for i know he's a pretty darn good bassist. Had this band tryout 2 years back and he was in it. Dont think he remembers anything about our little evening at the studio though. Now, he's setting routes for camp 5 and our project routes are his warm ups. Fuck.
Well, brad on the other hand, is NOT getting a girlfriend anytime soon. After all that hype in one previous particular post. Apparently he has relegated "girls" to below college and climbing now. Kudos for that. He knows his priorities. Roxx Climbing Competition at the Summit in May. We're training for it. So yea, no sleep tonight.
Speaking about climbing, brad wouldn't aknowledge me as Boulderjinn. Although at times he'd fucking call me that. I hate routes, i love bouldering, i think i have just enough climbing stamina for bouldering, i do routes like i boulder, i can drop and relax anytime without having to hang 15 meters from the ground, i dont have technique, so call me boulderjinn dammit.
Oh and yesterday i encountered my first road block.
And why do i feel like i just wrote a bunch of nonsense like i'm high.....
I really miss your hair in my face, and the way your innocence taste. I think you should know this, you deserve much better than me.
I know how much i'm letting go this time. I'm making a decision based on my self-importance on the expense of letting someone who loves me so damn much go. I'm telling myself i'm not letting you go just yet, no, i'm not ready to leave behind all that we've done, all that we've experienced as a one, all that you've done for me and everything i've done for you, all our sleepless nights and our meagre quarrels. I just dont see us working out at this point.
Arguments, to us, become chores. I know all i did was to blame every argument on your stubborness and mood swings, but its just me and my fucking ego. I never take the blame, and even if i know i have to, i'll be reluctant. This is just unfair. Its unfair for you.
You will not take this in, you will not trust me, you will not listen nor believe what you read. After what took place last night. It was selfish of me, to make such a decision based on my own importance. But it just cant go on at this while. Because i dont feel for you anymore as much as you feel for me. But i will try my dear, i promise you i would, try to search for that feeling again, try to make things right again, make it like before.
I know i'd never find someone like you anywhere out there in the goddamn world. Someone like you who've loved, love, and will love me as long as i'm alive. I can see it in you, i can see that love and care. And i know i'm not treating you right, which is hurting me twice as much as i'm hurting you. I'm not treating the girl who loves me so much right. How would i treat any other person in my life right? When i cant fucking treat my loved one right?!
I'm holding back tears now. I cant cry, daddy's in my room. You know how much i want my own privacy in my room but that would make dad shift his work station out. I'll save my tears for tonight, when i'm on my bed, just staring into the night lamp, just let the tears roll. Soon i'll be dehydrated after all the crying last night, this afternoon, tonight. It just hurts so much just to hear you on the phone crying, telling me how much pain you feel, and how much you want all these pain to go away. I want to make it go away for you dear. I want to but i have the tendency to make situations worse.
I blame myself for making that decision, even though i know my feelings are beyond my control and they have faded somehow throughout the course of our constant arguments. I took a time out to regain that feeling. I did. Honestly i did, but after it all, it was back to square one. I hope you understand, i really want that feeling again, i really want to feel that same love i had for you for the past one memorable year, but its just beyond my control, only time can tell dear. But its only acceptable to me that i blame myself for all these even though its something i have no control over.
How much you want to run away from me now, i understand. But just believe me when i say i'll always always be there for you. Please my dear. Please believe me on that. I WANT to be there when you cry, i want you to lean on my shoulders while i put my arms around you and whisper "its okay, i'm here". I want you to look me in the eye and yell at me and curse at me as i take your beatings. I want to feel all your pain on top of my pain, i want you to give me all that pain you're feeling. I want so bad. I've said before that even though i say all these and yet you still cry alone and hurt so much, if i get every chance to be right beside you and hold your hand i will. You can curse me, you can stab me, you can push me away, but i'll hold your hand. More than anything else i'll hold those beautiful soft hands of yours.
I cant stop crying now dear. Daddy's here i know, but i just cant stop. I just want you to believe me. Thats all i need from you. Just believe me when i say i'll be taking this time to search for those lost feelings. Believe me when i say i love you because i really do. I really really fucking do. Dont shoot back at me dear. I dont need any explanations or reminders of what i've done to hurt you. I know i fucked up. I apologize but its of no use, whats the point of apologizing without making an effort to do anything right? But if sorry's can cure your pain, i'd say sorry so many times.
People will come to me and say now i've lost a great girlfriend, a really caring person, a beautiful young woman. As much as i would say i've not lost you yet, i'd have to agree that somehow, in a way, i have lost you. And i hate myself for it.
Emelia. This is as much as i'll say for now. So you know about what's going on in my mind. And that you're not the only one hurting. If i'd get to be there in your room right now, with your curtains closed and the lights out, just lie with you on your small single bed, just place my hands on your cheeks, look you in the eye and tell you all that i wanna say. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm sorry you have to be alone throughout this whole time.
I love you Emelia. You know that deep down inside of you even when you doubt it. And i've never had a doubt that you love me as much and more. In every way possible, you'll always always have me.
It feels like i'm losing my grandmother all over again.
I know i dont thank you for your guidance and support in my usage of daily wisdom and you might be pissed or may feel like i'm inconsiderate and not thankful enough. I take that. But despite my ungratefulness, i hope you'd shower me with your love and mercy at least for one last time tomorrow. Please lah. Just ONE last favour.
What for? What do you mean what for?! SPM results weyyyy!
Jinny
Jo lin's birthday party last night was messed. No offence jo, or anyone else reading in this matter. It was enjoyable, very enjoyable, at first. When we were all gathered around the new dining table, like the brand new one with the bubble wrap still on, savouring pizza and frankfurters. That was enjoyable. Until certain people came with chivas, made our tera jie jie the birthday girl down a glass of pure. Up to that point, everything fucking messed up.
Most of everyone were already half drunk while "some" decided to let loose and sing the birthday song with all gusto. Worst casualty of the night, SMK taman sea's prodigy, the smartest(before the alcohol) person in school, tuitions, and some say college. As for him, in the midst of drunken fiesta, a new talent has been discovered, projectile vomitting. How the fuck do you puke halfway across the room!?
See, like i told bren, the disadvantage of being non-alcoholic in an alcoholic infested party is that you'll most probably end up in the cleaning squad. Mopping, clearing beer cans and paper cups with mushed up tissues floating in alcoholic substances, clearing projected puke all over the parquet floor. Not once, but twice, another time in the living room. No complaints though, some people have to do constructive work. I'd rather be doing this than be red-faced and grope drunk girls.
Talk about our pride of the school, our teenage prodigy, maybe all he wants is to destress? Wasting himself, puking twice with long distances, destress? Understandable. But when you start insisting on other people kiss your dick or slap whoever's asses, or get a handful of drunk girl's boobs, you deserve a jab in the stomach. That jab in your stomach was worth it, sad i wasn't the one doing it. Even close-proximity with drunk girls will get you to be the talk of the day or should i say party. But dont worry smart boy, you weren't the only "drunk" guy groping and practising a hands-on approach on all the other girls who were present on that wonderful night.
Oh, but alcohol is good in one way. To bring everyone to light. To show who your true self is. And many were exposed.
I'm not condemning your party jo and i thank you for inviting me, i'm just saying the alcohol got a little out of hand. Just a little. Apart from that it was nice to see everyone come together. And your sister and peter has a very nice house.
I like.
Happy birthday tera jie jie. Exactly one year ago, you faked 18 and signed me up for my first rock climbing session at camp 5. Thank you. :)
Amusing. I think we're all just made to be this way. We only remember to appreciate the finer simpler things in life after the desolation. After they're dead and gone.
Liang Zhi, i'm a man of my word. This is me in puay chai. So small, so innocent, and gullible and always get bullied by people like shuwen with money and always have to have my ahma see my teacher because i never do my homework and because of students like me and you, the ex-headmistress had big balls to swindle money and hwang lao shi became a pedophile, but i still have so shiny and smooth karipap hair. 
